I am now in the final stage of my life with many years remaining and hopefully the best of them yet as my hope and joy are returning to me. There is a spring in my step of this older, adult woman who is finally understanding herself and more importantly, accepting herself. It feels good to feel worthy if to nobody else but to God.
While the last five years have been tedious with counseling and digging in the dirt to see clearly, it has been worth every penny, the time involved, heartache felt and many tears. I did this for me. I made a choice that I want more in life before I die. To know that only death was before me and hopelessness, only brought more hopelessness plus doom and gloom. Not a good place to be or to stay.
People get stuck and see no way out. Like a cat in a paper bag. Yearning for more but overwhelmed by all the negative that they have encountered and believing it all to be fact. Nowhere to go, distrustful of others due to past relationships of hurts and basically alone.
As a Christian, feelings of despair in this lost state brings condemnation so that, too, must be dealt with and fought against. People around us are lost as a non-Christian but many are lost in just hopelessness felt. Not because of unbelief, as they just might have more faith than you may think in order to hold on, it is just no zeal to push through. 
There were years that I walked through that mess. While being unsure who I could really confide in or one that would believe the chaos that seemed to swallow me up. The craziness that it brings because on the outside it all appeared normal. I walked in a fog at times and for a bit, I was numb being so hurt and not knowing what to do.
I was lost for many years of basically feeling like a caged bird being 
unsure and afraid. Plus, forgetting myself as my confidence, what little there was, removed itself from my life. A zombie at times going through the motions of life, wearing a mask. People and circumstances can strip you of your whole being, of which happened year after year.
Today, I am not the same person I was five years ago. Thank God. Walking into my former counselors office the first day, sitting on her loveseat and being asked why I was there was the beginning of the me I am today. I felt I was going crazy, which was my response to her and I 
believed it because of the imprisonment of my life. Help me!
When we make a choice and decide to move forward, our faith ignites and the Lord will see us through the pain and struggles. Trusting Him with it all and our lives, He will open doors and will bring the joy back into our lives that we have forgotten. The excitement of living comes alive and in color like never 
before. I forgot and lost myself in the past and for years but today I feel I have found myself once again and finding each day better than the last. So the best years are ahead of me and I am going forward.
How about you? If you are going through something that seems overwhelming and the hopelessness seems to be clinging to you, allow the Lord to help you. Trust Him.
While I was a Christian, and have been since my early twenties, it came to a point of desperation and saying, Lord it is me and You.
He knows, He cares, He loves you. ❤️
The movie, Something’s Gotta Give, with Diane Keaton (Erica) and Jack Nicholson, a cute romantic movie where she is a writer and finds herself emotional while writing her best book and movie ever, came to mind. It was Erica’s wailing and screaming while tossing typing paper from the typewriter and the used tissues from the tissue box to sometimes hit the garbage can as creativity was overtaking her. I tend to relate to this scene each time I see the movie.
wiping the tears as they flow. That’s while although being alone in my office, I can let go somewhat. Thank goodness, I have dark, tinted windows as I was an emotional mess while driving home safely.
Give yourself grace through these times, if you experience. We can all be triggered in areas that have been a touchy area in our lives. It is recognizing and feeling the pain to get through for further healing. Don’t push it down and ignore because of the pain. Preaching to myself, right here. Even though this afternoon was rough, I am moving forward. The struggle did not last as long even though it felt like it. With that, I remembered my former counselor saying that to me, that it did not last as long. My thoughts were, if you say so lady, although I knew she was right. It’s not easy to go through the pain but worth it. We’ve got this! One day at a time.
Just Pondering... 