Years ago, I started counseling mainly due to marriage issues and just at a loss, feeling crazy, feeling alone and no hope in life. Stuck.
It was after we got through that part and I understood what is what, finding answers, setting boundaries and hope restored within me, did the counseling turn toward me individually. No more marriage discussions, although we touched base off and on in areas of concern.
Now, fearfully and not at all what I was expecting in counseling, it was all about me. Realizing, with each counseling session, I had a choice to dig my heels in and grasp what is or high tail it out of there.
Depending upon the session, I have felt both ways and at times frustrated, angry, emotionally distraught and you name it but oftentimes, too, I was grateful for a counselor that was just as determined to see me healed from childhood issues and life experiences.
Still I am amazed how well this counselor picked up on things and understood me. Nobody ever did that with me and to explain why I do or did things, validate the confusion I felt all of these years.
If you have been reading my blogs, you realize how thankful I am for her in my life and God sent, just for me.
Adult problems are childhood issues, a phrase I have heard and understood, but not in depth as she helped me understand within my own life.
For most, I could comprehend and wiggle through to understand. When the inner child and it is necessary to connect and re-parent the wounded child within, I could not grasp although I understood what she was trying to tell me.
Part of me felt it was crazy thinking how to do this and get to the point of making this work. Honestly, I still have issues with this.
Thankfully, I know to give myself grace and in time I will have my inner child trusting me and knowing that I love her unconditionally.
I don’t know what all happened to me as a child and if I am in total denial or blocking pieces out, but I do know that the Lord is healing me. I have to trust Him in this journey and be patient and willing to be healed.
The other night, while driving through the Christmas lights, feeling the excitement and being in the moment, was probably a true connection I had with my inner child. While that may not be of exciting news to you, I am still on cloud nine as they say because I felt like a child enjoying the lights. I loved the sights, smells and the joy of Christmas as a child and all those memories flooded my soul last night. Little me was present. That was a gift to myself. I’m slowly grasping this inner child stuff, which I need to do for healing in my life.
Perhaps you, too, need to connect to your inner child. Maybe you have heard of this and thought it was crazy thinking. Are you too wrapped in work and doing for others, even church work? Stop, reflect and love the inner child within you.
As I mentioned early on with my counselor and the inner child stuff, I was lost and unknowing of such a thing. There are a lot of books, Facebook group pages, research articles on Google, etc., available to read and gain knowledge and hopefully healing. I hope that my story helps someone.
Growing up, I yearned for love and attention and sadly, I do as an adult. With counseling, understanding why this caused such in my life, I am doing better. I’m understanding that the little me needs me to love her and care and have fun, too.
I was worth the love and attention as a child that I did not receive.
Temporary, seems to be the word of the day or maybe this week. Time will tell. Moving to our temporary office location, I keep hearing the others in the office repeat and remind themselves of this fact.
Just could not shake the sadness of grief, memories and the tears came easy. I’ve done so well but realizing these thoughts and feelings are only temporary. I understand them.
So many of us are apt to grab our cell phones to video or snap a pic to capture our kids performing, or a selfie of all while they are with is at a dinner or a family gathering, when we see something pretty, etc. While that is all perfect and fine to keep the memories alive but to be present in the moment is worth more and touches your own heart.
were, and adults also, I noticed the feelings within of the little girl that I lost long ago. Being old now, part of me could have just broke down and cried a river because I have had such a hard time connecting to my inner child, but I did while doing this simple act of slowing down and taking time. We all have an inner child.
With that, I put my phone away and did just that while even saying aloud, ‘be in the moment.’ I did! I noticed the joy and excitement grow within me as an old lady admiring the beauty of it all and appreciating the talent that went in to make this production happen. Most rewarding was when my inner child that could sense the excitement of Christmas and joy she once felt as a child, which made it all worthwhile.
Just Pondering... 