Just Pondering…

Years ago, I started counseling mainly due to marriage issues and just at a loss, feeling crazy, feeling alone and no hope in life.  Stuck.

It was after we got through that part and I understood what is what, finding answers, setting boundaries and hope restored within me, did the counseling turn toward me individually.  No more marriage discussions, although we touched base off and on in areas of concern.

Now, fearfully and not at all what I was expecting in counseling, it was all about me.  Realizing, with each counseling session, I had a choice to dig my heels in and grasp what is or high tail it out of there.

Depending upon the session, I have felt both ways and at times frustrated, angry, emotionally distraught and you name it but oftentimes, too, I was grateful for a counselor that was just as determined to see me healed from childhood issues and life experiences.

Still I am amazed how well this counselor picked up on things and understood me. Nobody ever did that with me and to explain why I do or did things, validate the confusion I felt all of these years.

If you have been reading my blogs, you realize how thankful I am for her in my life and God sent, just for me.

Adult problems are childhood issues, a phrase I have heard and understood, but not in depth as she helped me understand within my own life.

For most, I could comprehend and wiggle through to understand.  When the inner child and it is necessary to connect and re-parent the wounded child within, I could not grasp although I understood what she was trying to tell me.

Part of me felt it was crazy thinking how to do this and get to the point of making this work.  Honestly, I still have issues with this.

Thankfully, I know to give myself grace and in time I will have my inner child trusting me and knowing that I love her unconditionally.

I don’t know what all happened to me as a child and if I am in total denial or blocking pieces out, but I do know that the Lord is healing me.   I have to trust Him in this journey and be patient and willing to be healed.

The other night, while driving through the Christmas lights, feeling the excitement and being in the moment, was probably a true connection I had with my inner child.  While that may not be of exciting news to you, I am still on cloud nine as they say because I felt like a child enjoying the lights.  I loved the sights, smells and the joy of Christmas as a child and all those memories flooded my soul last night.  Little me was present.  That was a gift to myself.  I’m slowly grasping this inner child stuff, which I need to do for healing in my life.

Perhaps you, too, need to connect to your inner child.  Maybe you have heard of this and thought it was crazy thinking.  Are you too wrapped in work and doing for others, even church work?  Stop, reflect and love the inner child within you.

As I mentioned early on with my counselor and the inner child stuff, I was lost and unknowing of such a thing.  There are a lot of books, Facebook group pages, research articles on Google, etc., available to read and gain knowledge and hopefully healing.   I hope that my story helps someone.

Growing up, I yearned for love and attention and sadly, I do as an adult.  With counseling, understanding why this caused such in my life, I am doing better.  I’m understanding that the little me needs me to love her and care and have fun, too.

I was worth the love and attention as a child that I did not receive.