Tied Up In Knots

Many years ago, while we were in the thick of the pandemic, I sent my son a wind-chime as he had the perfect place. I love wind chimes.

He had just moved into this place with a back yard that reminded me of Gatlinburg. It was in the middle of a big city but hidden. I always loved to visit and help clean up the yard or help him in the house, giving it a mother’s touch and food on the stove.

This was such a big change for him. He had never enjoyed yard work growing up, as most kids, but this place captivated him and his time, as we were all home bound. This was actually a move of God for him to be in this place at this time.

Prior, he had an apartment by himself and with his work, being able to work from home, he was isolated from people. He is a people person. Work was demanding and placed him alone in this apartment for hours at a time, getting overwhelmed and I knew depression was grabbing hold. He is a lot like me so I recognized what was happening. I have written about him several times in my blog here. The Lord has a calling on his life, he knows it. Sometimes, running away from such seems like it will work but it won’t. I have been there, too. You can run but can’t hide.

This big house and yard came available and two roommates joined him and it was perfect for all three. Again, a God thing. I feel if it had not taken place, especially with the stay at home ruling, I may not have a son right now. Depression sucks life from you.

I am proud of him to move forward but also seek help from a doctor. It’s okay to take anti-depressants, if just for a bit to get through whatever. Some may feel that is a lack of faith and place that condemnation on you but it is not their journey and none of their business. Take care of you.

The wind chime arrived and soon was hung up in the tree making the sounds that some love or hate. He was not so sure at first and him and a roommate had to put a cord around them, to stop ringing. We laughed over this but soon they enjoyed the sounds and how pretty it was in the backyard.

Things happen and another move to a smaller, better house and by now the ban from leaving home and restrictions were lifted. This house had no real place to hang the wind chime. A little tree in front had to do so it would not get tangled. It is a long wind chime, perfect for the other yard.

Time went by and it remained and ringing but either wind or the neighbors twisted it up and now it was jumbled up and not pretty looking or sounding. He threw it in the shed. I was saddened but understood.

Recently, he was coming home. I have a great yard and trees so I told him to bring to me and I’ll use and enjoy once I get it back to it’s purpose, so he did.

Oh my! It was a mess. I had no idea of how this would ever be put back together. As I watched television one night, I thought I would tinker with it, one tube under, another one over and continued.

It was overwhelming. I would work on it and put it down and try another night. A couple of times I was tempted just to pitch. Not worth my time. Looking at it though, the tubes were pretty, the string was strong but it was tied up so bad. I just wanted to give up.

Isn’t that just like life? There are things we need to do and conquer but it is too hard. Thinking there is no way it can happen. Hopelessness enters our minds and we stop.

I laid this out on the floor, which was for a good week. Each night I would move tubes under and over and I started to make headway. I’d get frustrated and stop. I knew I had to keep going and finish. I have come too far to end. Again, life experiences we deal with.

I finally got the tubes and string in order. What a fantastic feeling to conquer. While I still have to hang the tubes correctly, I will attempt. I will also go through the frustration and hopelessness of it not being right. Still, I will move forward. Soon, it will be hanging in my tree and I will enjoy knowing its history and the pain to get there.

Again, life. We have to keep moving forward and not give up. Many trials and misfortunes may come but soon if we don’t give up, there’s joy and a pride within ourselves that we made it through.

This hopefully will be something that will strengthen you or my son’s ability to keep moving forward whenever times get tied up in knots and it seems there is no way out and feeling like throwing our hands up in defeat. A story his mom has written, understanding him and how each one of us struggle at times. Life experiences. Life happens.

Don’t give up.

It all falls together

It’s Not About the Leaf

Fall is probably my favorite season. The beauty all around with leaves changing colors on various trees with the different shades. As I was driving to work the other day, there was this one tree, it was so bright and bursting with red and yellow leaves. I was so in awe that I remember saying that it was the prettiest tree ever. Further down the road almost to work, I look over and see another tree and I say again, that is the prettiest tree ever. I laughed at myself because of this pattern that would, of course, continue. Trees are wonderful to admire and get lost in not only the beauty but pleasant thoughts that provide a break of tasks ahead or problems or issues in our lives.


My husband dislikes leaves on the grass. One tree is always late losing its leaves and I swear, he’d be happy to shake the daylights out of it to finish and be done before winter. Maybe it is me that needs to shake it (or him), to stop listening to his moans of frustration.

I found myself yesterday when arriving home from work, looking over and staring at our neighbors’s maple tree. The golden orange was so vivid as the sun was on the tree and the leaves on the ground, like a reflection. Just so pretty. Knowing full well that all these pretty leaves will need to be raked and bagged. It’s a chore but it’s a fun chore.


Growing up in the house we live in, our one-acre lot behind us is plentiful with trees, which brings a lot of leaves. My favorite memory of the back yard is when it was completely covered with the golden yellow leaves, as in our neighbor’s yard. I like to enjoy this sight for at least a few days, looking out of my kitchen window, but it never happens nowadays. I am so glad I took in that sight to remember when I did, years ago.


The leaves also tend to make it inside the house, tracked in on the shoes or perhaps fly in when the door is open. A leaf here a leaf there, no problem. It is when this leaf is just overlooked and just sits there. He has no thought of picking it up and throw outside or in the garbage. Now I am starting to dislike the leaves, as I pick it up and throw out, only to repeat often. Frustration begins to be felt within me wondering why he cannot wipe his shoes or if tracked in the house, to pick up the leaf (leaves) and do the same as me. How is this so hard? The old saying, ‘were you raised in a barn’ comes to mind.

The funny thing is, as I am babbling on with my counselor the other day of my frustration over this silly leaf and of my situation at home between him and I, she smiles and states, ‘it is not about the leaf.’ We both laughed, as she was so correct. In that moment, a blog was born.


He is a happy man with himself and not a care in the world. No desire to change but continue the same routine day after day, year after year. I will yet again hear about the tree losing its leaves late. I will continue to see green grass while I admire my neighbor’s yard with the bright leaves. Yes, it is a good thing to mulch them but just let me enjoy the beauty for a few days.


I will again and again pick up a leaf here and there in my house that was tracked in and ignored. It is not about the leaf but only my frustration with him. Let it go! It’s a losing battle.

Invalidation

312E6086-FA19-47FD-999C-B90D852D5941Have you ever thought, just perhaps you are making headway and then the bottom falls out?

Being full of hope and excited about a dream and a goal that is beginning to take shape and you make a mistake, realizing afterward, by sharing and shot down with negativity. It was my own fault to even share and now kicking myself, as I pondered the words and unsure how to digest but also fighting to not give up. Through the night, tossing and turning, I realized just the degree of invalidation received F1975275-42B4-4FC1-BD46-5D0052528116from one that usually is supportive. I think that is what shocks me more. What gives? Is it that I just need to accept and move on, and then not expressing how insensitive it was, all of which I did. Now clinching my jaw in despair working through the chaos within, choking back my tears.

It is the after thoughts, when it is too late to express by being shocked and not wanting to hurt their feelings. I should have replied, “Thanks for your invalidation.”

I am reminded, we should not share our dreams and our goals with another, as it is not their dreams and goals, for this very reason. Got it!

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Psalm 20:4 “May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.” Psalm 33:11 “But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” Psalm 37:4-5 “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.