Oh, I bet that title got your attention. It would me although I’d be somewhat leery of this writing being pornographic. Don’t worry, not here.
I never threw that word around in my life knowing in my mind what I thought it meant, we’ll sort of. Intimacy = Sex. I thought that and probably many think it just means being sexual between a couple. I never gave it much thought.
Why did it take me so long to grasp that it was also a close relationship between two people in just their conversations and getting to know one another perhaps? 
Because it happens. To realize it covers a lot, more than sex, I felt somewhat ignorant to learn, just a year or so ago, the difference. It is a deeper connection, which is so nice.
So many times in my writings, I do mention my former counselor. How can I not mention her? She was a part of my life for four years on a weekly basis, if not twice a week, at times. This lady knew me better than anybody, besides God. Always will she be in my life, maybe not 
physically, but in my testimony and how I relate to areas in my life that have been issues that I have overcome or I am still working on. Many lightbulb moments came about in those sessions, while deep and dark secrets, fears and sad and happy life moments were exposed and discussed. Definitely I was enlightened to life… past, present and future.
It was toward the end of our sessions together, before she resigned from her practice, that she said in one of our sessions and that was, we had an intimate relationship. I remember just looking at her, thinking, ‘say what?’ It threw me off and made me wonder what does she mean by that. I have never had that said to me before. Actually, I never had someone care to know me as she did, trying to understand me.
Of course, I Google everything and research until I get what answer I am looking for and feel settled in that quest. Sure enough, we did have an intimate relationship. Again, a lightbulb moment. I learned something new, which is always neat.
Who do you have an intimate relationship with, one that wants to knows you, your fears, your goals?
Let’s not forget God, our relationship with Him. Intimacy with God. 
We all have intimate relationships with many around us. We all need those close connections, at times. Although knowing what we talked about within her four walls through the years, for the first time in life I felt heard, understood and cared about, I understood her comment.
Just that, brings healing to a troubled soul dealing with life’s questions and uncertainties that nobody really cared to know. I am so thankful for that intimate relationship, as I am healing in many ways, allowing the Lord to touch my heart where it had been broken and now to move forward in life.
If only she would read my writings to be encouraged herself of how she affected my life. I truly have been blessed and feel this last part of my life will be the best.
I have sat on the loveseat in my counselor’s office week after week, year after year trying to understand life as an older, adult woman and realizing my childhood held a lot of the keys to the confusion felt.
As we discussed my own childhood issues so many times, I felt the burden and so often while reading about emotional neglect and abandonment, the burden that I let my own children down. I have failed them. How do I make that right now from their childhood? They are both grown adults. They seem well adjusted, confident but are they really? Will they ever express to me where I failed? Could I handle it, if so? I want to ask them but I am fearful to know, too. Will they even know until they also might be sitting on a counselor’s loveseat trying to understand life as I am and realize the damage done. The cycle of life as we all fail in one area or another or more.
If only…. how many times we all say that. If only I could do some things over, I would still fail my children. So when the burden or guilt overrides my parenting, I know that I must remember I did the best that I could with what I knew. Today, and always, they know I love them. My time left on this earth and our time together, I do know that they will have a more happy, healthier mother before them.
The movie, Something’s Gotta Give, with Diane Keaton (Erica) and Jack Nicholson, a cute romantic movie where she is a writer and finds herself emotional while writing her best book and movie ever, came to mind. It was Erica’s wailing and screaming while tossing typing paper from the typewriter and the used tissues from the tissue box to sometimes hit the garbage can as creativity was overtaking her. I tend to relate to this scene each time I see the movie.
wiping the tears as they flow. That’s while although being alone in my office, I can let go somewhat. Thank goodness, I have dark, tinted windows as I was an emotional mess while driving home safely.
Give yourself grace through these times, if you experience. We can all be triggered in areas that have been a touchy area in our lives. It is recognizing and feeling the pain to get through for further healing. Don’t push it down and ignore because of the pain. Preaching to myself, right here. Even though this afternoon was rough, I am moving forward. The struggle did not last as long even though it felt like it. With that, I remembered my former counselor saying that to me, that it did not last as long. My thoughts were, if you say so lady, although I knew she was right. It’s not easy to go through the pain but worth it. We’ve got this! One day at a time.
Just Pondering... 