Counseling – Page 47 – Just Pondering…

Different Wavelengths

February 16, 2019February 16, 2019ponderingmissylou3 Comments

Sometimes, through the years I just want to throw my hands up. Even today, the thought of going and doing something at a moments notice, becomes deadend.

Over the past thirty-three years together, unless I plan and make plans aware and down to the minute, things will not happen in this relationship. No matter what it is. Yes, sex, too.

I do the planning, make financial decisions and no matter what, which is a lot of pressure on a wife. Perhaps realizing just four years ago I have dealt with Aspergers, I get it now but still it does not ease the frustration of the past, present or future.

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Just today, the thought of going to a park I am unfamiliar with but he knows, I thought it would be a nice time to walk and enjoy the cool, crisp air with sun on my face. Of course, he is walking the dog and the daylight hours were nearing and that would be mentioned when I brought up this brilliant idea and time wasted on details of such fact. This is how it happens. Never ending. So, I usually go on my own and keep moving forward with, or most times, without him.

Is this typical with other Asperger couples? Never on the same wavelength and it becomes lonely and sad. I want more in life and fun. Just no connection.

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Etched In My Brain

February 13, 2019February 13, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

So many instances in my life and I am sure of yours, there are moments that are like they happened yesterday. You can feel what you felt at the moment, see the place you were at the atmosphere around you and remember the words said, as if was all frozen in time.

I was thinking of this comment made to me months ago, while driving to work this morning, I did just that. The words said meant the world to me and re-living that moment, hearing them, knowing where I was, seeing the surroundings and feeling the gasp within as I heard the words on the other end of the telephone. I did the same this morning, I gasped as in being frozen because I remembered everything exactly as it was said, my posture, etc., because I did not want to forget and I haven’t.

While pondering this moment in time, I thought of other verbal comments made to me throughout my lifetime and, of course, some of those words were not as kind and forgiving, but I do freeze as if the words are being etched in my brain forever.

The words, “I care for you and I love you” were said on that day and I believe in all sincerity. I have had to repeat them over and over to myself since because of the sadness and grief feeling I have experienced since that day. Just dwelling on them this morning and recalling the memory, I am thankful I can remember the details. It has helped me cope with the separation in our relationship.

What we say to others just might be the spark of hope they need to hold on to, as these words are for me. Without saying, and as I previously mentioned, this can also include negative but let’s focus on the positive and lift up others. Let others know you care. We never know what the next person whether friend, family or a complete stranger is going through. Sadly, it just might be the last time you see them or associate with them and this lasting memory will be etched in their brain, as these words in mine and bring hope.

A Degree or Not

January 29, 2019January 29, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

4e423748-9da1-41e8-81e9-fd289ed9edf7 Today, I feel I will lose yet another key person in my life. Finding myself at a doctor’s appointment, which was for me, it was me giving advice and encouragement to the doctor. Thankfully, he confided in me, knowing of my own counseling experience but also that I can be trusted and that I care and will pray.

It took a lot of guts to remove the mask and for him to express his own depression, etc. Perhap he will step aside for a bit to benefit his own self-care, as my counselor is doing.

While I do not know for certain that is her issue, odds are it is, depression and burnout.

Day in and day out of hearing other people complain and definitely confide in them of things that we would probably not handle well, no matter how much education and training, it takes a toll. It has to.

Years ago, I had a doctor for many years commit suicide. While he was not the friendliest doctor, I trusted him. His death knocked me off my rocker for a bit. Questioning myself, perhaps if I would have been more thankful or made him laugh or even shared God with him, of which I regret, he’d still be my doctor.

Today, I did not fail to share God’s Love with my doctor.

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Again, we never know what the next person around us, at any given moment, is going through, whether it is depression, burnout, etc. Just because they have a degree, they are not exempt of having issues and wearing a mask appearing all is well.

They, too, need the Love of God and to know that their patients/clients are praying for them.

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