Today as I go about life on my day off cleaning and doing the mundane things keeping a house, my many breaks tend to leave me researching for whatever is before me. It’s finding out information and learning. Google has become my best friend at times, always there, 24/7.
Even today, my mind is bogged down with questions. I need advice and direction. What would be nice is to talk 
to my former counselor and to get her perspective but that door has closed. I’m left to search and ponder the unknown until there is an answer or peace in knowing what I think is okay and doing. Time!
It is good to stretch your brain to learn but it becomes lonely when there is nobody you can turn to that will understand or validate the chaos within. While yes, ‘nobody’ is a big field to say, but there are some things that I would rather not discuss with many and at times proven to be the case.
Searching. It comes down to and to be reminded that we are to seek God and He will give us truth, answers and faith. He is there 24/7. He wants us to search and know Him.
Lord, I need direction, I need answers and most of all, I need You. It’s as simple as that, and peace in the unknown comes as we put our trust in Him.
We will always be searching for this or that in life but it is when we trust Him, peace will come and that He will give us what we need, at the time we need. God’s Timing!
On Sunday morning as I was getting ready for church in anticipation, as I truly love my late church service, I felt time was moving so slow. What was I doing so different than other mornings, as each time I looked at the clock, it only moved minutes from the last observance.
In all that, I found my memories, thoughts and emotions were being affected. My heart becoming heavy and fighting back tears due to grief felt. Aware of the sadness, as I found my seat, I tried to immerse myself in the worship once the music began. I tried and did but it was a battle.
It was then when I felt light hearted and a refreshing come over me. It was when I put my eyes, my thoughts and worship toward Him. I could feel joy.
Today, as I read an article about the do’s and the don’ts, how to find a good counselor, etc., that popped up on my Facebook timeline, I became sad.
It was if we were at a juncture of hitting some serious points in my therapy on the head and this leave came about. It’s just like the enemy to stop progression in my healing and cause issues in her own life. Looking at it that way, I have felt it was and is my fault for her to be on a medical leave. For me to feel at fault, that is also the childhood emotional neglect within me, accepting blame.
Just Pondering... 