Many years ago, while we were in the thick of the pandemic, I sent my son a wind-chime as he had the perfect place. I love wind chimes.
He had just moved into this place with a back yard that reminded me of Gatlinburg. It was in the middle of a big city but hidden. I always loved to visit and help clean up the yard or help him in the house, giving it a mother’s touch and food on the stove.
This was such a big change for him. He had never enjoyed yard work growing up, as most kids, but this place captivated him and his time, as we were all home bound. This was actually a move of God for him to be in this place at this time.
Prior, he had an apartment by himself and with his work, being able to work from home, he was isolated from people. He is a people person. Work was demanding and placed him alone in this apartment for hours at a time, getting overwhelmed and I knew depression was grabbing hold. He is a lot like me so I recognized what was happening. I have written about him several times in my blog here. The Lord has a calling on his life, he knows it. Sometimes, running away from such seems like it will work but it won’t. I have been there, too. You can run but can’t hide.
This big house and yard came available and two roommates joined him and it was perfect for all three. Again, a God thing. I feel if it had not taken place, especially with the stay at home ruling, I may not have a son right now. Depression sucks life from you.
I am proud of him to move forward but also seek help from a doctor. It’s okay to take anti-depressants, if just for a bit to get through whatever. Some may feel that is a lack of faith and place that condemnation on you but it is not their journey and none of their business. Take care of you.
The wind chime arrived and soon was hung up in the tree making the sounds that some love or hate. He was not so sure at first and him and a roommate had to put a cord around them, to stop ringing. We laughed over this but soon they enjoyed the sounds and how pretty it was in the backyard.
Things happen and another move to a smaller, better house and by now the ban from leaving home and restrictions were lifted. This house had no real place to hang the wind chime. A little tree in front had to do so it would not get tangled. It is a long wind chime, perfect for the other yard.
Time went by and it remained and ringing but either wind or the neighbors twisted it up and now it was jumbled up and not pretty looking or sounding. He threw it in the shed. I was saddened but understood.
Recently, he was coming home. I have a great yard and trees so I told him to bring to me and I’ll use and enjoy once I get it back to it’s purpose, so he did.
Oh my! It was a mess. I had no idea of how this would ever be put back together. As I watched television one night, I thought I would tinker with it, one tube under, another one over and continued.
It was overwhelming. I would work on it and put it down and try another night. A couple of times I was tempted just to pitch. Not worth my time. Looking at it though, the tubes were pretty, the string was strong but it was tied up so bad. I just wanted to give up.
Isn’t that just like life? There are things we need to do and conquer but it is too hard. Thinking there is no way it can happen. Hopelessness enters our minds and we stop.
I laid this out on the floor, which was for a good week. Each night I would move tubes under and over and I started to make headway. I’d get frustrated and stop. I knew I had to keep going and finish. I have come too far to end. Again, life experiences we deal with.
I finally got the tubes and string in order. What a fantastic feeling to conquer. While I still have to hang the tubes correctly, I will attempt. I will also go through the frustration and hopelessness of it not being right. Still, I will move forward. Soon, it will be hanging in my tree and I will enjoy knowing its history and the pain to get there.
Again, life. We have to keep moving forward and not give up. Many trials and misfortunes may come but soon if we don’t give up, there’s joy and a pride within ourselves that we made it through.
This hopefully will be something that will strengthen you or my son’s ability to keep moving forward whenever times get tied up in knots and it seems there is no way out and feeling like throwing our hands up in defeat. A story his mom has written, understanding him and how each one of us struggle at times. Life experiences. Life happens.
Don’t give up.
Today at church, which has been great to attend again, a late, smaller service and no cameras. Just for me. Too many have been ill with the virus through the months, so I declined going. The morning was beautiful with the sunshine, even though it was quite cold. The joy of knowing springtime is near.
Yet again, I find that one thing leads to another, which is good but somewhat misleading. You get drawn in and then, here comes a sales pitch. If you do this and pay this fee monthly, I will do this and that for you and you will never be the same, totally worth it.
A guilt trip is added, but you deserve this for you, do this to be a better you, you will thank yourself, etc. While I get it, I get totally frustrated of being strung along and then BAM. Yes, it would be a good but so would the other program and another program, each one having a monthly fee. I do want to join to become a better me. Majority of the time, the same layout. When will I quit being pulled in and fall for the catch of them trying to get clients? Tonight’s fee was just $450.00 a month, a six-month program. A great deal, she said. No!
This class for the week, first three nights, were awesome. I absolutely loved it. It was like a continuation of my counseling years ago and stirred some emotions in me, which was good. I miss those hard, exhaustive sessions I had years ago at times that leave one depleted emotionally, but I grew within myself.
Dealing with rejection anyway, this did not help matters although I understood. I requested that I be taken off her email list for this reason. I do not have to subject myself to further pain. Although that decision I made hurt me in the end, as she officially closed her office and I did not know. A sad day it was when I drove past her office, it was my safe place for four years on a weekly basis and her signage removed. Now, not only feeling rejected but now abandoned. Devastated.
Still, the last night of this class, it opened up an area that still affects me. The anger with myself of allowing to trust and enjoy but the slick move of the hitch attached was too much. Please do not guilt trip me to making me go in debt to the soothing tune that I deserve it, I am worthy enough, etc. I do and I am but I am also to use wisdom.
Just Pondering... 