Throughout my life I have always dreamed of doing and giving to help others, which is a good thing, if only I had the millions of dollars to do so.
Still, I do what I can when I can and usually not on special occasions but out of the blue, just because. Everyone needs to get a surprise now and then and plus it is fun for me.
Realizing this pattern in my life, it was when my former counselor mentioned this to me. It has been amazing how much she made me understand life and myself. Asking me why I do this for her or others.
I find that throw pillows make a room. I love pillows and found that you can buy pillow covers from Amazon to slip on and zip up to change the theme; so my life, in my own home, has been exciting.
With the pillows though, my counselor had purchased a new loveseat for her brightly, painted walls in her office, but I felt it needed a pillow to bring it all together. I was on a mission and made sure this was done. It made me happy 
to do this for her and she accepted my gift, which I was unsure she would. It also settled my mind while in counseling as I could focus on the colors or rub my hand over the texture of the fabric to ground myself if in a deep, emotional moment.
Still, even though I no longer sit on that loveseat as she is no longer counseling, I see pillows that would be perfect and I just smile and think, that would be perfect.
With the pillows given through the years, to change out, I often wonder now if she still has them and uses and thinks of me, as I do her when I shop.
Her comment to me was asking why I give gifts. Crazy enough, it is like how a cat shows its love by bringing a mouse to its owner, the cat is grateful and loves the owner.
It was when we had discussed abandonment in my life so much that she felt the gifts given were to remind her of me. Leaving a piece of me with her so I would not be forgotten. I remember that moment well and while shaking my head, I replied with, Yes. Again, she understood me. To be heard and understood, brings healing.
Abandonment, whether young or old, the lack of love shown through life will be visible to those that really care. She did. How could I not bring and give her gifts? I was grateful for her bringing light to the dark corners of my life. I love and miss her as my counselor, who knew me better than my own family and close friends.
Giving gifts is one of my love languages. The five love languages are not just for spouses but in life and in all relationships.
For me to receive gifts, it is not easy although nice, but it is a joy to give. I’ll take touch (all the hugs, mostly sincere, tight motherly ones I can get) and words (so I can write them down and repeat over and over to myself and be reminded of spoken love toward me). Due to abandonment and emotional neglect, this would be typical in my situation.
Where do you rate in the love languages?
I have had it for years because not only is it funny, I feel it to be true. Too much to do. End result, if and when death happens, it does not matter. Humor helps when the stress of life seems to swallow one up.
To this day, I still have on my bulletin board above my desk that reads, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” That was what helped me tackle the files in front of me day after day and some nights; one file at a time. Well, crying out to the Lord oftentimes of I need your help, direction and wisdom to get me through, or how can I make this better, etc. Today, my office run smoothly and very orderly but it did not happen overnight.
No matter if you feel as though you are begging for His help, and we often do, but direction and wisdom in an area that needs attention to go forward in an area or in a perhaps stupid mistake you caused, He knows already. He is there for me, you and each of us. He wants us to call upon Him.
Realizing childhood emotional abuse can cause children to try and be perfect just to get noticed or praised and not to forget to feel and be loved, they will go over and above to gain those things. I did as I needed all those things. Even up into adulthood.
going to measure the margins, etc. I would. That’s how detailed I have been in life with such for one instance.
I tend to shrug my shoulders a lot more in life as a reminder I do not need to be perfect.
Just Pondering... 