When years have passed and a lot of bitter waters flowed within a family, there comes a time to block a relationship and go the other way. One of the best moves I have ever done and actually the first time, to block a member of my own family from the hatred messages received. There was peace. To block one is very powerful and freeing. Why didn’t I do that sooner? I allowed a lot of unnecessary stress and tears before hitting the option, to block or not to block. Block.
It was their choice to cut family ties years before and pretend I was dead, actually they wished I was, no doubt. After going through years of this, I welcomed this divide.
To my surprise, I had a message awaiting me, which surprised me as I blocked her. Apparently, a new profile requesting friendship on Facebook allows this to happen but all I could say or think was, “I’m Good.” I am. I have enjoyed the peace and quiet. Whatever is said or done, that is on them. I will not allow myself to be harassed or stressed anymore. A decision to be a ‘friend’ on Facebook and then to send a message of, “Let Bygones Be Bygones” still, “I’m Good” with no reply. It’s best to leave well enough alone.
So epiphany came to mind.
Epiphany is an “Aha!” moment. As a literary device, epiphany (pronounced ih-pif–uh-nee) is the moment when a character is suddenly struck with a life-changing realization which changes the rest of the story. Often, an epiphany begins with a small, everyday occurrence or experience.
The movie, "Monster-In-Law" of a daughter-in-law (Charlie) to-be speaks to an upcoming mother-in-law on the wedding day after being so manipulative and jealous of the couple's relationship and trying to stop the wedding in however way she could. Finally saying the marriage could go forward. Charlie says, "What, am I supposed to believe that you've had some epiphany? That all of the sudden everything is going to be different?"
Actually, a “Come to Jesus’ moment is another way to think of this epiphany when it happens after years of being gossiped and lied about for years to those I know. Hopefully, those listening to the non-stop lies and gossip, they realized just what the one speaking really is and sees them for that. I cannot concern myself with what was or is said or believed. I did for a long time, but I had to let it go.
As much as it deeply hurt, I wanted to go behind them to fight my case, as there are always two sides to a story. I could also smear their reputation just as well but it is not worth my time or energy. In time, all I could and can do is to wait and let God fight my battles. In time, those that heard all the talk will understand, as they definitely felt the need to be heard in order to feel bigger and better. Some need that drama. I don’t have to say a word or defend my position.
My place was to remain in peace within myself, process the hurt and pain as I could but in the end, to forgive. Forgiveness is for me.
You Can Forgive Someone, But That Doesn’t Mean They Need To Stay In Your Life. But forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to keep that person in your life.
In a word – absolutely! Forgiveness is the foundation that must be laid in order to journey toward healing. When we forgive someone, instant healing doesn’t come (especially when the hurt causes deep emotional wounds).
I am sure we have all dealt with situations in life that we needed forgiveness for ourselves or for others. The same holds true with unforgiveness, we may hold toward others or they may hold toward us. Not an easy situation most times but we are faced with it in life. At times, we have to even forgive ourselves and that is even hard. Sometimes we have to forgive by faith.
Do we forgive? Can we forget?
Do we not forgive? Do we not forget?
Do we forget? Do we not forgive?
Forgiveness may not happen overnight, as there will probably be a lot of emotional baggage and let’s not forget anger.
This past week, I have had to re-examine this situation in our family. There has been a lot of water under the bridge over the years. As requested, let’s let bygones be bygones. I’m good with that and we continue to go our separate ways.
I’m good and I do wish them well.
Those little boys of mine always fun and also a lot of work, but I would not have changed those moments together, unless to add more.
My boys grew up to be wonderful, adults and makes this mom so proud. The time in between visits is less than I prefer but I remember being young once. Life gets busy, we all work and they have their life to live. Still, it’s nice hanging out with our adult children.
On my hour drive home, I was thinking about the move, our conversations and knowing he is at a fork in the road with his business due to the pandemic. He is a true entrepreneur and will figure it out, he always does.
As there is distance between us, it takes time to organize to visit, and the days pass so quickly. I often wonder if one day they will regret not calling or texting mom more or visiting, etc. I would say that is a rite of passage for all parents and children, which is sad. I want them to remember their mom as being their biggest cheerleader in life, that they never had to wonder if they were loved, I was always available 24/7, even for those 3:00 a.m. calls, as my youngest knew I would be there for him and to pray. Remembering our laughter of silly times together or knowing I would always help clean, catch up on their laundry, decorate and hang curtains that I hope to finish this weekend. I’m there for them, if they want or need me.
Just Pondering... 