Be Present in the Moment

99945BE3-FF9F-4679-9A88-5A64A14E6702So many of us are apt to grab our cell phones to video or snap a pic to capture our kids performing, or a selfie of all while they are with is at a dinner or a family gathering, when we see something pretty, etc. While that is all perfect and fine to keep the memories alive but to be present in the moment is worth more and touches your own heart.

The other night I was so reminded of this fact. I did the exact thing mentioned as my husband and I drove through the Christmas lights that is a popular park to go through during the holiday season in our area. It was absolutely beautiful and some areas more than the others. Impressive.

Something I had wanted to do for years but nobody else did, so we or I didn’t.

As we drove and admired the synchronized lights flash to the tune of the radio station programmed, I was in awe. The little girl within me came alive, too, with joy. What a night it was to take time to drive the distance and go through the maze of lights.

Hanging out the windows somewhat as other children 07B9A640-9930-4AC6-9167-6BE826CBE793were, and adults also, I noticed the feelings within of the little girl that I lost long ago. Being old now, part of me could have just broke down and cried a river because I have had such a hard time connecting to my inner child, but I did while doing this simple act of slowing down and taking time.  We all have an inner child.

Connecting to that inner child, we not only experience the joy and fun, but also have fun and sense it within. I felt the child raise up inside me, if just for a little bit.  This was a breakthrough for me. In the inner child, we can also find answers to past trauma that has been buried deep within and with proper care and attention, healing will come. That night though, I need joy.

As I was taking pics with my cell phone in order to keep and perhaps share on Facebook, of course, certain times my light would come on, flash, and possibly distort the pic or annoy the car in front of us, no doubt. For the life of me, I did not know how to turn that flash off.

Just thirty minutes before, while waiting to start the light show, I skimmed my posts on Facebook. You know, just in case I needed to know what another person is doing, etc. This one therapy, encouragement post though was about being in the moment and how we must … Enjoy it!  I needed that and so glad I grabbed onto those words when I did.

Of course, after many attempts of finding the right icon to flip the light flash off, without success, I missed some of the lights while seeing them kinda sorta but not really enjoying them. The post I just read at the beginning popped in my head, which said, ‘enjoy the moment, take it in.’

img_0359With that, I put my phone away and did just that while even saying aloud, ‘be in the moment.’  I did! I noticed the joy and excitement grow within me as an old lady admiring the beauty of it all and appreciating the talent that went in to make this production happen.  Most rewarding was when my inner child that could sense the excitement of Christmas and joy she once felt as a child, which made it all worthwhile.

As adults, we need to learn to stop and play along the way.  Work is important and family, too, but we lose ourselves many times.  Sadly, sometimes many of us drown out trauma and abuse with many things to avoid the deep recesses in our lives.   I am no exception, I forgot how to play and enjoy life around me and I avoided areas through the years.

Go do something fun. If just jumping in mud puddles, blowing bubbles, making snow angels, take time to drive around to see or through Christmas lights, etc., as the child within needs to do just that. Have fun!img_0328

Lesson learned that night, as I plan to not make excuses of not doing fun things and to put the cell phone away and be in the moment.

Do it! Feel it! Enjoy it!

🎄 Merry Christmas 🎄

Big Ears

Little pitchers have big ears.

“Prov. Children like to listen to adult conversations and can understand a lot of what they hear. (Used to warn another adult not to talk about something because there is a child present.) I started to tell Mary about the date I had on Saturday, but she interrupted me, saying, “Little pitchers C4591558-7ADA-4119-9C48-6DBCCC7A618Fhave big ears,” and looked pointedly at her six-year-old daughter, who was in the room with us.”

Just that one look, numerous times told me as a young child I was in the way and not wanted.  I guess I could almost mind read at that age of get out, you are not welcome, you are in the way and so on and so on.

No wonder I felt rejected and unloved as a child.

472BC27F-D974-4405-B6AF-0AFA1D5EF953Years and years, those words rang over in my mind.  I always thought it was pictures on the wall, as pictures with faces have ears but it is a pitcher because the handle is shaped like an ear.  Go figure!  I just learned that today as I am typing this.

I am sure this was just a warning to the other adult but to a child, it held significance.

While there were times I heard the discussion being had, I don’t remember much.  Although at an early age, I knew that time was a private time usually between my Mother and another, giving advice or just listening to one vent and then the tears would come, Mom calling this time, having church.2424851A-CB4A-4EBF-8B58-12C04CA46657

With each of these church services, as they called it, I knew I was to not tell what I heard.  I learned early on to be private and not gossip, which is not a bad thing.

To this day, I feel that if you confide in me, that is locked in me not to share, ever.  A good quality.

Still, the fact of just now realizing those words and meaning caused great harm to me of feeling rejected.  To look back, I never once had a ‘church service’ as such, in that sense.

EFBA5469-BCD0-4202-B7AC-95C2BC54E40ANow, I understand it’s not pictures but pitchers.  Through many years of counseling on childhood issues, not just about this but it made a huge impact, more than I realized.

Today, I know that I am wanted, I am loved and I can heal from the brokenness within by God.  To deal with this today, and to understand and to know my place, healing can begin moreso and I welcome it.

I still struggle but understanding the root of the problem, I know He is doing a work in me.  I welcome God to heal the broken places within my heart. He loves me like no other.

If this can relate to you, He also loves you, please know you are worthy and He can heal your broken places within, too.  Trust Him!

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Feels Like Forever

Time has passed and I have not talked to you.  So many times I think of you and wonder what it is like for you now.  What are you doing?  How are you?  The questions roll over and over, day after day in my mind.  You are missed! 62E5DB0E-AE92-4FBB-8FA5-9995B07D3C4D
While the time has been just a few weeks, it feels like a year.  I so miss you and I miss talking to you.  Do you ever think of me?  Do you ever wonder what it is like for me, what I am doing or how I am?
Grief has a way to digging into our heart and thoughts and feelings of our relationship that is of non-existence, which makes me sad.  Time was devoted and now there is none. 271E1CDA-1BFE-4760-91A3-AF632A6781C3
My mind can go to the negative quickly, as I am dead to you now, but I choose not to do that.  I try anyway.  Whether you like it or not, I was a part of your life.  Many times I expressed my heart and feelings to you, you know I care.  I still do.
I am healing slowly and getting through the raw feelings of being abandoned, yet again.  The tears are less and the smiles are upon my face more and I accept a new normal to my usual routine of life.
74E7FA61-57BF-4538-8E69-54FA18A396D1The void is still present but being filled and I am allowing just that.
Grief, whether in death or in real-life losses, it is still grief.
Take one day at a time.  Wipe the tears, cherish the memories and go forward.
You have to!