Family – Page 25 – Just Pondering…

Goodbye Baby

May 3, 2019May 3, 2019ponderingmissylou2 Comments

38433AE9-810F-447D-A975-77BAF78D1921 In just over twenty-four hours, three of us will be walking in for a dreaded appointment but only two will be walking out. Our precious Baby will be crossing The Rainbow Bridge. My goodness, how hard it is to make this decision and to carry it out. While I know it is the right thing to do, I hesitate and think well maybe one more day, one more week. The same result will come. It is time.

I have held my sweet cats when this was needed many times through the years but never a dog. These silly animals can wreck havoc on the hearts of humans. Their eyes tell you so many things, they wag their tail with joy when they greet you, bark when you leave as to saying take me with you or maybe it has been goodbye. It is so hard and will be so hard to not see or step over or around this bundle of love.

Our Baby is old so she has way outlived her years more than most. Just this year, oral cancer has been aggressive even after one successful surgery and now weeks later again it returns. I cannot do another surgery. It’s not fair to her and selfish for us to try desperate measures to hold her here.

While I understand this task and grief in past pets leaving, actual family members passing and just relationships ending, the grief is intense. My husband is a basket case and will be, never having close connections in death or experiencing such. I will grieve and he will grieve but this might bring out a part in him that he is unsure of and me, too. I know in such situations, you take life day by day and when that is too much, hour by hour.

Our sweet Baby will never be forgotten and we will for a long time be ready to let her out to potty, take a walk, get her favorite treats, remember her sitting in her favorite spots in the yard only to be reminded she is no longer here as tears may flow. Adjustment. A new normal for our home.

A rescue animal. Who rescues who? ❤️ 75C2D0C0-A77F-4950-AA68-1E9737457111

Lost Love?

April 27, 2019April 27, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

The other day, I got off the telephone at the office with an attorney about a case but ended up talking about our families, etc. Knowing he has small children and having a busy law office covering many counties in this area, we got on the subject of taking time to breathe but also making sure his wife, the mother of his children is taken care of, too. In his honesty and regrets, saying he has failed in this area while building his law firm.

I find it funny how many people and professionals such as this attorney will call into our office and this happens. Perhaps they just need encouragement and the Lord is allowing me to do just that, which I like doing.

I know from experience that mothers lose themselves as they tend to the children, the school work, the groceries, cooking, housekeeping and you can

name a lot more I am sure, too. They go and go and give and give and soon they are bankrupt, nothing to give at all As the children grow and become more independent, it gets somewhat easier but then worry sets in moreso as they are driving and making decisions, etc.

Just with this nice man who has been great to deal with in our business relationship to where we can talk about our families and such matters, I encouraged him that he needs to dote on his wife more. It is time to take date nights that have fallen by the wayside. Take the children to a family member or friend and maybe trade off times with other couples to do the same. Anything! Make it happen. A Google search has all kinds of ideas, from no cost dates to very fancy and expensive.

From experience, I was the one who made all the plans and did not want to bother anyone to watch the children or money was tight or whatever excuse and our marriage was hindered. The kids left for college and we are left looking at each other like strangers. The status of, I do not know you anymore and I am too tired to care to know you. No interest was shown and now no interest to try on either side.

I have heard this over and over of how couples will lose themselves. The wives with the children and tending to the home, etc., while the husbands are working and involved with sports. Both are great things and necessary to do but if you forget each other during the process, what good is it. One night a month, take those kids to a sitter or hire one and go out, if just for dinner. Your marriage relationship is worth it.

Life is hard and pulls each one many ways but you must, whether you are the wife or the husband, pull yourself back in and grab the other one, keep the relationship real and alive between you both. It’s not just about sex, it is time together. Too late for me right now and others in the same boat but maybe not for you and your marriage.

If you have advice or tips on how to make marriages, especially with children better, please comment so others can read and get ideas.

To love and to cherish.

Grades of Grief

April 15, 2019April 14, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

I have had my share of grief in life and no doubt, you also. It, of course, can come from a physical death of a loved one or friend but grief is shared among other losses and the pain is there.

Growing up and probably until my own mother passed away, I dealt with deaths and the visitations, funerals and family gatherings afterward never wanting to lose touch with cousins and extended family members, but you do.

It was when my mother passed that it all became real, the grieving of what was and what will never be. While we were not the mother-daughter connection as pictures show and memories are made of, still she was my mother. Sitting at traffic lights looking up at the beautiful sky and seeing the clouds, the tears would flow were my usual bouts of grief.

Just a few years later, while trying to maintain my own home but also my father’s home and all of his financial and medical affairs, my marriage was dying. I could feel it, I knew things were not right. I blamed myself as I was being pulled in many directions and apparently neglecting him. While that was all true of caring and doing for many, I am not to accept all the blame and I will not. Still, grieving the marriage of what was and what will never be.

Through the years, I have lost friendships for whatever reason by job change, moving, etc. no doubt, you have also. Realizing their friendship was just for a season, whether it be their season or mine, it still hurts to lose the closeness. Depending how close we were, the grief can become intense, not just uncomfortable for a bit.

With that I found myself to be distant with some because of the hurt, the grief of losing them. They are still alive but not there. Just recently, I went through this with someone very special to me. Every level of grief was there still and I knew it. Even today, I now teeter between the depression stage and acceptance. This can last for a bit. When sadness hits, I cry and then I get back up accept what is. Thankfully the anger has lost its power but it was there and normal.

Whether it is a person, a pet or whatever to cause your heart to ache, it is normal. It just shows you are normal and have a heart and love within that you shared.

Looking at the chart of the many levels of grief, I recognize each one and understand when it hits. One of those, ‘been there, done that’ quotes. No matter what your situation, grief is hard and exhausting.

Understanding the levels of grief in whatever you are facing, it will help you through it. Normal. Cry if you need to and then carry on the best you can. Some days you will need to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. Normal. Will life be the same? No. A new normal will form and you will adjust. One day, your experience will be encouragement to another; you made it and they will also.