One day recently, I had time of which I have had a lot lately, probably you also, with the quarantine upon us all. As I was going through photos from over the years, taking time to organize a bit here and there, which was a nice break from cleaning, etc. Plus, for the most part, memory lane is nice to travel down although at times the tears flow in those memories and then the next photo will bring laughter. This in and out of emotions can make one wonder about their mental status, just saying. We each have emotions and during this time of the pandemic situation, more emotions are exhibited, and are normal.

In that week, I read or heard three counselors express their emotional battle through this pandemic. It just proves that they, too, are human. Two of the three are having the Telehealth counseling with clients dealing with the same and/or other issues. Here each one, although trained to listen, hold and help the client but inside them they also feel the same panic and chaos we all do. Of course, my mind wonders about my former and present counselors. How are they holding up?

About two weeks ago, I wrote a blog about the Lord being my hiding place and He is. Often I have had to hunker down and dwell to have hope to get through this myself and other issues over the years. We each have this hiding place available to us.

Spiritually, He is my hiding place. I can hide from the outside world and let my tears flow, I can be fearful, angry and lost in the chaos around me unsure where or what to do, and He protects me while I regain strength to go forth until I need to hide deep yet again. He is always there for us.

In my life the last six years or so, I have made some changes, around me and within me, I am not the same, thankfully. It feels good to know I am not stuck but inching forward.

I have two physical hiding places that I go to in order to clear my head, to be alone by myself. It’s just me and the Lord, to cry, pray, read, write or do nothing. Just a break in life from everyone and everything. Both places are not far from my home, one north and one south and nobody knows where I am safely tucked away. Of course, I leave names and numbers for contact, if needed, and I am one-hundred percent safe.

Even though I have time on my hands right now due to the restrictions upon us, and basically I am alone in a house of two anyway but my desire is to escape to my hiding place. In time I will but for now, I hope. The anticipation of what is to come.

Years ago and honestly up until 2017, I would not have done this. Always taking the back seat of cares and issues at home, a waste of money on me and every excuse possible because I thought I was not worth it. Oh but I am! The quote that you cannot poor from an empty cup, is true.

“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”

I could have been a better me, with others. To go back many years of when my boys were young and still at home, I could have been a better mom. A better wife, if I had taken care of me more. It is not selfish. I cannot do anything to change the past but I do have a say in my future.

To finally get to the point in my senior years now and to deeply feel, that I am worthy, is pretty sweet. It was worth all the pain I have gone through, disappointments, heartaches, rejection, you name it and to finally feel worthy, is like precious gold.

Why did it take me so long to grasp the knowledge of knowing I am worthy, precious to God, I am loved, etc.? I knew but I did not know deep within. I could share of His Love to others, how He has blessed me in so many ways where at times it is mind boggling of His mercy and grace, of how He can do the same for them (you), and encourage others.  I do know though that something in 2017 clicked within me. Acceptance of His worthiness.

Perhaps I needed to walk through life, feel the pain, but also see that His Hand has been on my life through it all. Had I not gone through some areas in life, I would not be sharing here and now, as I have a story. My story is His story sharing the mercy and grace bestowed upon me. We each have a story of the same, but do you recognize it?

So whether I go to my north or south hiding place, to be alone, I know I have a hiding place available twenty-four, seven, right where I am. He is there for me to calm my fears, collect my tears and give me hope to keep moving forward and hopefully offer encouragement. He does have a plan and a purpose for each of us.

https://ponderingmissylou.com/2020/03/22/im-going-to-hide/