Abandonment – Page 12 – Just Pondering…

Forget Me Not

May 26, 2019May 26, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

Throughout my life I have always dreamed of doing and giving to help others, which is a good thing, if only I had the millions of dollars to do so.

Still, I do what I can when I can and usually not on special occasions but out of the blue, just because. Everyone needs to get a surprise now and then and plus it is fun for me.

Realizing this pattern in my life, it was when my former counselor mentioned this to me. It has been amazing how much she made me understand life and myself. Asking me why I do this for her or others.

I find that throw pillows make a room. I love pillows and found that you can buy pillow covers from Amazon to slip on and zip up to change the theme; so my life, in my own home, has been exciting.

With the pillows though, my counselor had purchased a new loveseat for her brightly, painted walls in her office, but I felt it needed a pillow to bring it all together. I was on a mission and made sure this was done. It made me happy 5CEE944E-BCBE-45A8-A0BC-74DFA8D7A6A1 to do this for her and she accepted my gift, which I was unsure she would. It also settled my mind while in counseling as I could focus on the colors or rub my hand over the texture of the fabric to ground myself if in a deep, emotional moment.

Still, even though I no longer sit on that loveseat as she is no longer counseling, I see pillows that would be perfect and I just smile and think, that would be perfect.

With the pillows given through the years, to change out, I often wonder now if she still has them and uses and thinks of me, as I do her when I shop.

Her comment to me was asking why I give gifts. Crazy enough, it is like how a cat shows its love by bringing a mouse to its owner, the cat is grateful and loves the owner.

It was when we had discussed abandonment in my life so much that she felt the gifts given were to remind her of me. Leaving a piece of me with her so I would not be forgotten. I remember that moment well and while shaking my head, I replied with, Yes. Again, she understood me. To be heard and understood, brings healing.

Abandonment, whether young or old, the lack of love shown through life will be visible to those that really care. She did. How could I not bring and give her gifts? I was grateful for her bringing light to the dark corners of my life. I love and miss her as my counselor, who knew me better than my own family and close friends.

Giving gifts is one of my love languages. The five love languages are not just for spouses but in life and in all relationships.

For me to receive gifts, it is not easy although nice, but it is a joy to give. I’ll take touch (all the hugs, mostly sincere, tight motherly ones I can get) and words (so I can write them down and repeat over and over to myself and be reminded of spoken love toward me). Due to abandonment and emotional neglect, this would be typical in my situation.

Where do you rate in the love languages?

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Journey of Life

May 17, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

947F91A9-B1D8-49C6-8138-5C2EEA15DF62 Here I am, home from my counseling session and so thankful of having such great counselors as I deal with life. I would not be where I am today had it not been with each one.

Mental health awareness has been quite visible lately in the news and on Facebook of not denying or keeping your head in the sand that it does not exist. It does. Look around and listen to the news, there is mental health issues of all levels around us. Some being hidden by a mask or fake smile and those that are down right out there and may cause issues.

Why is there such a stigma of counseling and sadly in the church making people feel shame in going? Many years I secretly went to counseling almost an hour away to avoid my church and members from knowing I needed help. You know, those that will say I did not have enough faith in God. Those that will bring shame, which is why I went out of my way to go. No more!

I found myself, as I was leaving my counselor’s office the other day and several women were in the waiting room. I couldn’t help but think about them and wonder why they were there, too. Did they feel shame being there or did they just accept that they, too, need help. For a moment, and to be honest, I felt a judgment of them, just as many would and have in the past and/or in our experiences. Wrong! I captured that thought quickly realizing I just walked out of a counseling session. I am no better than them and we all need to support one another. It’s that stigma that latches on. I’m sure others have had that of me. While that quick lesson allowed me to see both sides, I politely smiled and wished them a good day. As we make these appointments and deal with life, that is self-care and much needed for me, you and others. It’s okay!

We all have issues. Even counselors, doctors and so forth. I totally recommend seeing a counselor for issues or just to stay in tune with life and healing for yourself of past, present and for the future. In my case, it started with marriage but nowadays it is to help me grow and heal some much-need broken places in my spirit, soul and body. I am a better person with counseling. Not having a spouse to relate to and cry on his shoulder or my close friends that do not live near, I have my counselors. Yes, counselors.

For this period in my life, I started with one to help me get over my last counselor of four years that left due to health issues. We were dealing with abandonment issues in my life, yet I was abandoned by her. While not her fault, still it was and is still hard some days. Talk about a double whammy! Plus, I have another counselor to help me move forward in life, not so much focus on past counselor. Both have been good for me in my journey right now. It’s been a good thing.

A2D1DCB8-345F-4FBF-9E47-A34CDC8843BA Just with my last appointment, she said that a poem reminded her of me of my past counseling experience, which I will share. Perfect. Again, I have had the best and thankful for what each one has done to help me grow, understand life, and even understand myself.

So, if you are considering to go see a counselor, do it. Give it time so each one can get familiar and build a relationship. If after a time and there is no connection, change your counselor but do not quit taking care of you. There are some really good ones out there. Just know YOU MATTER and YOU are worth it. DE7BECC3-28B7-4B8B-83B3-C9265B356DA0

Just FYI, there is a lot of information on Pinterest regarding mental health, groups on Facebook and Google searches, too.

870 Days

April 24, 2019April 24, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

I can honestly tell you, I dislike a part of the code of ethics between a counselor and client relationship. I totally understand that the counselor’s personal life is private while the client shares their life and deepest, darkest secrets. That’s fine because that is why you are there in counseling.

While I do understand the boundaries during the process of counseling, I also understand it after counseling has ended between both but I just don’t like it. The connection is no more, as if it never existed.

As I started counseling over four years ago, it recently ended due to health issues of my counselor. Jokingly, although some seriousness in me, I have wondered maybe I caused her to have burnout. Possibly!?

With our time together, I found her to be one I could confide in and be honest with and that is exactly what you want in a counselor, a connection. While she maintained boundaries in her profession, I still considered her closer than my own sisters. I could talk to her in complete confidence, truly feeling she cared for me not only as a client but as a person. To be listened to, heard and understood, brings healing. I have to say, she was one of the best. I feel blessed to have had her in my life, when I needed her the most.

The word, had. I had her in my life. Now I don’t. It’s that code of ethics that comes into play. Again, I really do understand but I really don’t like it. Okay, I am having a temper tantrum, and I’ve had a few.

At one time, a brief comment was made between us that no friendship relationship while counselor/client. Okay, fine. It was when she made her decision to close her office, it all became real and quite upsetting. Hoping now, at least we can become friends on Facebook to stay connected, was my hope. Nope!

Okay, now with that, a real temper tantrum because not only can we not be friends on Facebook, but no contact for three years. Three years! As of today, that will be 870 days, but who is counting? Ha

Again, I do understand and I respect her in this matter. I just don’t like it. It’s like the song, ‘It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.’ Well, this is my blog and I’ll complain if I want to, while working through it all and having fun, too. Getting through the grief. It would not surprise her to know I have a countdown timer on my iPhone. I also have one of my retirement date, which is definitely more days than I want to be reminded. It works for me.

In three years, I guess the reasoning is that the facts spoken within her four office walls will be forgotten, she will forget me and I will forget her and life goes on as if we never knew one another. Can that really be true?

For me, not possible. On my end, she will always be a part of my testimony. While I am adjusting to the abandonment part of this situation, I still have my moments of grief and missing our talks.

So, perhaps this will help somebody know of what to expect when considering counseling.

Even though we both go our separate ways, I feel the Lord led me to her at the right time. He prepared her in this area for me, others clients also, but He knew I would need her many years before I even entered her door. That’s God!

The Lord knows and will put the right people in your path.

I really miss her. Sometimes I hope she reads my writings, perhaps to know I care and appreciatative but be encouraged, too, because she helped me be who I am today.