Family

Lights Will Go Out

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I love the Christmas season, whether it is a white Christmas or not. The hustle and bustle of it all is fun, and watching the people around me be happier or some not so much either by being rushed or depression.

Since I host the holidays, my hustle is getting it all together. No time to enjoy. Christmas is the hardest. At times, I want to pass on the hostess position so I can take time to see the lights, visit more, go and do. Instead it is do this or that. Then, almost immediately after Christmas, the lights are turned off, Christmas music ends and back to normal. The decorations are removed and everything is darker and blah.

It hits me that I did not really enjoy any of it. Depression does not hit me but a sadness dwells until I adapt to the new winter normal. Soon, spring and Easter season will awaken the senses of a new beginning.

Life is like that. The ups and downs of seasons. Just hang on and know that the dark turns to light, just like each day we live. There is hope for the tomorrows and we move forward. Don’t give up! Ever!

So as Christmas Day is here and I ponder what my day will hold and onto what happens, I know there is brighter days ahead even without the Christmas lights and glimmer from decorations.

Today, I will enjoy the family, my children and to be present.

I hold onto joy within knowing that the Lord is with me in whatever season. He is with you, too!

Be Blessed – Merry Christmas

Online

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I sometimes wonder if other mothers are like me. As we have babies and they grow, we are the one who tends to them and the responsibility is great but so rewarding, even though we do get tired.

Once high school is over, these kids are venturing out in the world. Little by little as this moment of release, we have felt the relationship loosen its grip of needing mom. On the first one, I felt a grief and on the second, I recognized what I was sensing. A sadness, a grief of no longer being needed. I would, of course, always be their mom but not in the same role. It’s hard.

Then there is college. Wow! They are on their own in an unknown place , making unknown friends and having choices in all areas of good and bad. Mama has no control. There is no curfew or rules and a new-found freedom is exciting for them. All the while, as each child leaves, the ‘empty nest’ becomes real.

As a mom or as parents, we learn to live differently. Who is this man I married or vice versa, who am I to this man. A real test there may take place. The child(ren) find their path as the parent(s) do.

It’s been ten plus years with both of my children living on their own. Thankfully, college brought 4.0 grades for both and many good friends. There were some moments here and there but that’s life.

I don’t talk or call/text them daily and there may be days or weeks, as I know they have a life and busy. They will contact me at times, which I am overly thrilled and will stop what I am doing to share this time. I have learned to FaceTime with them, which is nerve wracking for me but normal for them. I’m learning. I’m blessed with two great young men.

They have had my prayers even before I had them and they will until my last breath. One thing, they will never have to doubt is my love or my prayers for them.

Tonight, and other times, I can see if they are online in certain social media outlets. I laughed at myself, as just seeing that, it gives me a peace. I see that they are there. I am here. It just kind of makes everything in the world okay for this mom.

I am their mom, always will be, online or offline. ❤️❤️

You Drain Me

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There are moments in life that happen, whether expected or unexpected, and your physical body and emotions cannot carry anymore. You need a break, you need rest.

These moments of time spent and caring for yourself to take time to withdraw, makes the mental toll on one also. Now there are the lies we hear within that we are lazy.

Years, I let that lie heap upon me due to my situation. It was not until I told my counselor years ago, and she gave me the gift of knowing it was okay to nap, to rest. I was exhausted from it all. Again, a free gift that meant the world to me, as it lifted a load off of me and gave me a freedom.

Now, as a new chapter emerges in my life and family situation, I have had to endure my time with one that drained me before. While I can limit my time and understand that I can leave, it helps. I have noticed though, within me, that the day after of spending any amount of time with this one, I am exhausted yet again. It is like I need to recharge until the next expected time I need to be present.

This is such a draining on me and so pattern-like that I want no more. Reminding myself… Just a little bit longer, as I am almost at the finish line.

Then I can walk away. You drain me.