Healing – Page 9 – Just Pondering…

870 Days

April 24, 2019April 24, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

I can honestly tell you, I dislike a part of the code of ethics between a counselor and client relationship. I totally understand that the counselor’s personal life is private while the client shares their life and deepest, darkest secrets. That’s fine because that is why you are there in counseling.

While I do understand the boundaries during the process of counseling, I also understand it after counseling has ended between both but I just don’t like it. The connection is no more, as if it never existed.

As I started counseling over four years ago, it recently ended due to health issues of my counselor. Jokingly, although some seriousness in me, I have wondered maybe I caused her to have burnout. Possibly!?

With our time together, I found her to be one I could confide in and be honest with and that is exactly what you want in a counselor, a connection. While she maintained boundaries in her profession, I still considered her closer than my own sisters. I could talk to her in complete confidence, truly feeling she cared for me not only as a client but as a person. To be listened to, heard and understood, brings healing. I have to say, she was one of the best. I feel blessed to have had her in my life, when I needed her the most.

The word, had. I had her in my life. Now I don’t. It’s that code of ethics that comes into play. Again, I really do understand but I really don’t like it. Okay, I am having a temper tantrum, and I’ve had a few.

At one time, a brief comment was made between us that no friendship relationship while counselor/client. Okay, fine. It was when she made her decision to close her office, it all became real and quite upsetting. Hoping now, at least we can become friends on Facebook to stay connected, was my hope. Nope!

Okay, now with that, a real temper tantrum because not only can we not be friends on Facebook, but no contact for three years. Three years! As of today, that will be 870 days, but who is counting? Ha

Again, I do understand and I respect her in this matter. I just don’t like it. It’s like the song, ‘It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.’ Well, this is my blog and I’ll complain if I want to, while working through it all and having fun, too. Getting through the grief. It would not surprise her to know I have a countdown timer on my iPhone. I also have one of my retirement date, which is definitely more days than I want to be reminded. It works for me.

In three years, I guess the reasoning is that the facts spoken within her four office walls will be forgotten, she will forget me and I will forget her and life goes on as if we never knew one another. Can that really be true?

For me, not possible. On my end, she will always be a part of my testimony. While I am adjusting to the abandonment part of this situation, I still have my moments of grief and missing our talks.

So, perhaps this will help somebody know of what to expect when considering counseling.

Even though we both go our separate ways, I feel the Lord led me to her at the right time. He prepared her in this area for me, others clients also, but He knew I would need her many years before I even entered her door. That’s God!

The Lord knows and will put the right people in your path.

I really miss her. Sometimes I hope she reads my writings, perhaps to know I care and appreciatative but be encouraged, too, because she helped me be who I am today.

Letting Dead Things Go

April 15, 2019April 15, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

Hello Spring! Let us remember to let go of what does not serve us or lead us to draw close to the Lord. You matter!

“Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.” Hosea 6:3

Grades of Grief

April 15, 2019April 14, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

I have had my share of grief in life and no doubt, you also. It, of course, can come from a physical death of a loved one or friend but grief is shared among other losses and the pain is there.

Growing up and probably until my own mother passed away, I dealt with deaths and the visitations, funerals and family gatherings afterward never wanting to lose touch with cousins and extended family members, but you do.

It was when my mother passed that it all became real, the grieving of what was and what will never be. While we were not the mother-daughter connection as pictures show and memories are made of, still she was my mother. Sitting at traffic lights looking up at the beautiful sky and seeing the clouds, the tears would flow were my usual bouts of grief.

Just a few years later, while trying to maintain my own home but also my father’s home and all of his financial and medical affairs, my marriage was dying. I could feel it, I knew things were not right. I blamed myself as I was being pulled in many directions and apparently neglecting him. While that was all true of caring and doing for many, I am not to accept all the blame and I will not. Still, grieving the marriage of what was and what will never be.

Through the years, I have lost friendships for whatever reason by job change, moving, etc. no doubt, you have also. Realizing their friendship was just for a season, whether it be their season or mine, it still hurts to lose the closeness. Depending how close we were, the grief can become intense, not just uncomfortable for a bit.

With that I found myself to be distant with some because of the hurt, the grief of losing them. They are still alive but not there. Just recently, I went through this with someone very special to me. Every level of grief was there still and I knew it. Even today, I now teeter between the depression stage and acceptance. This can last for a bit. When sadness hits, I cry and then I get back up accept what is. Thankfully the anger has lost its power but it was there and normal.

Whether it is a person, a pet or whatever to cause your heart to ache, it is normal. It just shows you are normal and have a heart and love within that you shared.

Looking at the chart of the many levels of grief, I recognize each one and understand when it hits. One of those, ‘been there, done that’ quotes. No matter what your situation, grief is hard and exhausting.

Understanding the levels of grief in whatever you are facing, it will help you through it. Normal. Cry if you need to and then carry on the best you can. Some days you will need to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other. Normal. Will life be the same? No. A new normal will form and you will adjust. One day, your experience will be encouragement to another; you made it and they will also.