Christmas Slump

It’s that time of the year and for days and weeks, maybe months now, we have all been gearing up for Christmas. There is a sense of joy as we celebrate the holiday season, decorating, a time of gift-giving, paying forward is a common occurrence, cooking delicious recipes as well as making batches of cookies and candies, families and friends coming together plus seeing the colorful lights and decorations strung around wherever we go. It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Right?

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It really is wonderful to experience the joy mention but sadly many do not. Many do not know the true meaning of Christmas, representing the birth of Christ.

In myself, I do enjoy the season and everything about it, wishing I had more time to experience the lights, shows, etc., and while I have done so more this year, there is also a dread underlying within me because I know how it affects me after Christmas.

Christmas Ornaments on Wood BackgroundIn the holiday season, the vivid colors of red and green while other colors are splashed around, the decorations that adorn homes inside and out for all to admire, the ornaments that are hung with care while many have a memory or a story attached to share and perhaps a tear or two wiped, smelling the cookies and desserts baked plus enjoyed. There are so many joyous moments and then it all goes away, quicker than it came. Months of building hope, joy and love and then poof, it’s over.

Soon after Christmas Day or maybe after the new year, everything is taken down and put away until next year. Now everything seems bleak and dull. I find it is sad. I know with me, it takes me a couple of weeks to get back in the swing of things and adapt to the norm, awaiting for the next holiday but nothing compares to Christmas of the beauty and happiness all around.6F5E347F-259A-436B-967C-F476AC1B1D78

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) exists in many whether it be for the holidays or winter months moreso than the rest of the year perhaps due to less daylight and sunshine.

Depression hits more in the holiday season as we miss those no longer with us, our emotions are touched and memories seem to be heightened of the past and being unsure of the future. Hope is lost somewhat in the hustle and bustle within many.

Remember to notice and know yourself enough and to get medical help if needed. This happens for many and normal to feel the blues at times but not all the time. Take care of you through the most wonderful time of the year but also all year long.  The holiday blues happen.

0F88B310-D4DF-41E3-93D7-8B1242901DE9While most of us are going through the season with joy and excitement, let’s pay attention to those around us that may not be. Whether it be now or throughout the year, too; sometimes just a kind word, a pat on the arm or even a smile is a gift to some.  Feel free to share, it costs nothing.

Merry Christmas and may the year 2020 be the best ever.

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https://www.verywellmind.com/holiday-blues-4771716

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder

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Take It Down…

As I am sitting in church and I do love my church but the sound system is one part I despise at times. While again in a service last night, the sound was so loud that it hurt plus it was hard to hear the words. The singers are just mixer and microphonescreaming in the mics, it seems. I assume it is the sound controllers or bad mics are all combined. Maybe they think the louder it is, God will hear them. All these thoughts enter my mind as I am trying to cancel out the sound.

MC0720FBB-4E78-453C-B580-E39390FCB613any times I know the pastor gets frustrated over the lack of involvement from the congregation and perhaps this is why. Too loud and we cannot make out the words and hard to get past the pain to worship. Will he listen? Will others listen to comments made? Probably not. I’ve been there long enough to know it goes in one ear and out the other. Could be because they cannot hear anymore due to hearing damage. It won’t be long until another sound system is purchased in hopes to make it all better. Odds are because they have blown the amps out.

I find it funny that when the singing stops, I do say hallelujah. I just find it annoying as I would like to sing and worship but it hurts and the desire to stick my fingers in my ears is a constant thought. I wanted to go to the sound people and tell them to take it down a notch or two, please.

Anyway, I survived and others also as I see many look at one another with the same thoughts of it is too loud so it is not my age. I just do not understand but a common occurrence through the many years being a member and only getting worse. Perhaps we need to have a hearing screening done to prove the point there is a problem. Or perhaps if many had hearing aids, this would remedy itself.

Okay, thanks for ‘hearing‘ me out through this rant. Time to get flesh colored ear plugs. Until then, Hallelujah will be said but in a sarcastic tone, not spiritually. Lord, forgive me.D0D0E99A-5419-4A4A-BE81-79DB078B8998

The Wilderness

B112A881-D709-462B-8110-422DF57971B5Many years ago I went through one of the toughest battles ever, feeling lost in the darkness of my thoughts and feelings with nobody to turn to.  It’s interesting, twice this past week, this time of my life came up in conversations.  I discussed with my counselor but also listening and encouraging a friend the other night, who is experiencing total hopelessness in her life, wanting to die.  Sadly, I knew exactly what she felt and heard the screams of her begging God to let her die.

Taking day by day but really just existing, it got so bad I remember feeling actually numb and not knowing how I got from home to work, vice versa, and dealt with life.  I remember driving to work, knowing deep within that 7C031C4F-1822-45B7-AFEE-4A4AF7B3E0E0God was carrying me. He had to carry me. The Footprints in the Sand picture and the words that I have read many times, became real. One of those moments when you think or say, so that is what this feels like.  Yes.  He was carrying me and at times dragging or pushing me. Had it not been and had I not had my faith in Him, I do not know what I would have done.

Many in the church were present around me as I tried to go and worship but still, even in the midst, I felt invisible.  I worked closely with the Pastor with typing and tending to his paperwork and correspondence, but even he did not discern, acknowledge or offer to see through my heavy heart or hear my silent screams.  Alone in the dark for years not understanding or able to confide in others. I had been hurt so much by those that said they loved me and cared so how could I trust another.

Perhaps the walls surrounding me were so high, that I had built and rightfully so and normal, that they could not see or reach out to me. Still, if you cared enough, chip away at the wall to help me tear the walls down, as I needed freedom from the hell within. Desperate and hopeless, just as my friend.

Years progressed to more years and I felt I finally gave up.  One last straw broke me. Isolation and depression attacked my very being. My life was between going to and from work and home to repeat the next day. Being an empty nester, I did not have to act as though I was fine because I was not.  My husband was present in body only but nothing more, just keeping the legal form of our marriage license intact only.814A9057-3FDA-4418-9080-178EC9794093

Even though the dark days of this wilderness journey was horrendous for me, today I am much stronger in my faith.  It was through those times and many nights curled up in my chair struggling to live through the emotional pain and mental torment, but I had to trust in the Lord. He said in His Word that He has a purpose and a plan for me, He would not leave or forsake me.  I had to trust Him. Even when I was so angry with myself, others, my life and even God and then to express such anger to Him. My faith deepened even through my screams of anger at Him. He knew I was angry anyway, I had to be real with Him.

Wildernesses are not wasted by God.

As bad as it was, I know the trials that come now won’t last forever and hopefully not as long as the wilderness experience I had.  Tomorrow will be better.  No matter what comes, I must trust Him. You, too.

Know He loves you. He knows your name.  He knows where you are.  He knows all about you.  Trust Him! ✝️

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God does not waste any of our life experiences and promises that although, life might not feel good right now, he works all things for our benefit and for the purpose of transforming us into the image of his son, Jesus Christ (Rom 8:28-29). https://asistasjourney.com/2012/06/29/a-wilderness-experience-depression/

Wilderness Experience https://www.gotquestions.org/wilderness-experience.html

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