As I drove home from work the other day, thinking and praying, I was praying about a matter in my own life. As I went around the bend in the road, I started praying for my son. While he is getting through some issues, my heart remains heavy for him. I am his mother so he has my full heart.
In my car I tend to pray a lot as I drive, tears flow and I feel the Spirit of God fall on me. Now don’t tell anyone, but I tend to sing well in my car, too. I am sure many do the same as I do. Right? It’s me and the Lord. So many times through the years and had it not been for those driving moments, I may not be here. He heard my cries, saw my tears and He never left me.
As I was starting to pray for my son, I just stopped and said, ‘Lord just forget me right now, don’t take up your time with me, as I will make it through but please put Your Mighty Hand upon my child and help him.’ In just a sweet moment after saying that request, the words ‘I will not forget you’ rushed through my mind, my spirit. I smiled. I questioned, as that was me, which is normal but that is exactly how caring He is. Confidence in knowing He will not forget me.
Through the years, too many times, those sweet moments carried me through and my faith increased.
Perhaps you are going through something right now that seems impossible or overwhelming or for a loved one, like me. Please know that the Lord sees you, hears you, knows your heart and sees your tears. Trust Him and allow His Peace to flow through you.
I stand at the door and knock. Awaiting for my son to open it as this mother was concerned. I was not leaving until he opened the door and planning to camp out, if need be. As my patience grew weak and my anger grew in intensity, I found the peace and just prayed. I had to pray that I did not lash out words of anger but of love and encouragement. How can he allow his mother to stand somewhat patiently in the hallway of his apartment building while finishing up a video game? My mind went to the disrespect and anger, which followed easily enough. While I am patient, I understand that ‘in the middle of a game’ with guys it is crucial. I have had too many boys hang out in my home over the years to know different so I patiently and impatiently waited. Still, feeling that bit of frustration. I was determined to not leave and he knew it. A surprise visit, an hour away from home does not happen often but when it does, you best be ready to open the door. Mama is here! I knew something was not right.
How can I stay frustrated though when the door is unlocked, opened and I see his 6’3″ frame before me and not love and hug him tight with tears? He is mine! No matter how tall, how old, how aggravated my inside was experiencing, he will always be mine. My child.
blanks. Yes, he is like me, I was and am his mother and while I have made mistakes, I was and am also a great mother. So turning those lies into positive and to get the enemy off my back and out of my mind is what I did and do often. Lies and fear must go.
My present counselor mentioned the other day that he was reminded of me while reading the Bible and various writings that all seemed to relate. I had told him of my surprise visit to my son’s apartment, standing at the door knocking. The verse, “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” He knew of my love for my son and the concern I had plus my determination of not leaving him until I knew he was okay. I loved that my counselor told me that and how this reminded him of me doing the same, I stand at the door and knock.
On my way home today from church, I heard the man on the Christian radio station mention and encourage those listening to not quit.
It was about twenty years ago, I did not care if I woke up when having gallbladder surgery. I had a note prepared for my children and a cassette tape (so that was a long time ago) of my voice talking to them, just in case I did not come through surgery. I remember the drive to the hospital and the hopelessness and sadness of my life felt. My gallbladder was to be removed but my heart was so broken, I did not think I would make it. I found myself so disappointed that I was still alive, and I can still remember that moment in recovery. Talk about hopeless. Nobody to share with, so alone and I was beginning to really doubt that the Lord knew me, cared, much less loved me. I wanted to quit life!
It was when I heard this song, “He Knows My Name” by Tara Jackson and played the song over and over for the longest time and still one of my favorites. He does knows my name and He knows where I am. Thank God.
Just Pondering... 