Another day. Usually, the next part of that is, another dollar. If only. For me today, it is another load in the washer as I catch up on the household cleaning due to this ingenious idea of mine to join a class weeks ago. Counting down, I have twelve days left. Well until I start the next phase, clinicals. Again, what was I thinking?
Being older and doing such and feeling the pressure like in high school, which I hated, in taking tests, I am and have been kicking myself. Many don’t do well under pressure, and I am one. Just text me my low-grade lady instructor so I can continue to kick myself and dig myself a hole, too.
Sitting in the small class, it is a lot like I remember in high school. There’s always one that is above the others. When she handed in her test paper, my mind went there. I’m old enough to be her mother, all of them in fact. Still, the horror of high school and feeling that same pressure, I went down and went down fast. There were two questions, I totally knew the answers to but did not answer them correctly, for whatever reason. Panic. Others, too, but those two are rehearsed in my head causing me torment. Make them stop! 
At this point, it is what it is. To humor myself, especially with those two questions and answers, I wonder if the instructor while grading is thinking, what was she thinking. I don’t know lady, I don’t know!
My umph is gone, my desire to get this class over and done with is sky high, unsure if I will pass or not. Later on, will I be pleased of the torment and glad I stuck it out or will I still be kicking myself, thinking what in the world was I thinking I could do that?
Time will tell. Just another day.
What in the world was I thinking? Discouragement hits an all-time high in my life this week. The negative words within my mind take over as I try to shake them out over and over again but feeling hopeless.
What do I do? Where do I go?
Just Pondering... 