What do I do? Where do I go?
Today, after four years of weekly counseling visits, sometimes two, of course minus vacation weeks by my counselor or sickness of either one of us, has ended. It has been long, hard, insightful and an investment that I would do all over again.
It was meant to be that I found her at the time in my life. I was going down and going fast. The Lord directed my steps and used her to help me. Forever, I will be grateful.
Now, I am faced moreso after basically an exit telephone call due to some health issues for her. I’m lost! The abandonment and attachment that has been with me as a child, which has been a part of our client/counselor relationship, knowingly and us working through, but no more. What do I do?
The thought of starting and being encouraged from her to find another, I feel a dread within. It’s exhausting to break in another counselor. I don’t want to rehearse my past. Is it possible to highlight but move forward in healing or will the new one want to know all the good, bad and the ugly to bring me back to where I am today? Then, what if they leave? Abandoned yet again.
Its crazy to know I need a new counselor to deal with my last counselor but the grieving process is overwhelming at times. While some may not understand, realize that this woman has been a part of my life for four years. We both invested in one another. Things we have discussed, only God knows besides her. That’s huge!
I felt closer to her than my own siblings. While they love me, they don’t know me. Never did. I truly have been blessed but now I walk blindly trying to know what to do. Lord, put another Christian Counselor, as you did before, in my path so I can continue on my journey and heal from the hurts within.
My heart will forever be thankful but for the time being, it hurts.