Counseling

Change on a Dime

ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

Funny how things can change on a dime, as they say.  This day was going so well.  The sun was shining, my list of things to do being crossed off and everything was lining up and running like clockwork.  I was happy and ready to have some fun with a few days off work.

In a few short hours, it was the day I dreaded.  Driving over the back roads with my sister to go to dinner and a movie, I pass my counselor’s office who has been on medical leave.  Her signage has been removed and my heart just drops.

63B8434B-7309-49F6-913D-9DEEB59C1111I knew one day that this was a possibility but never hoping it would.  I had to pick up a prescription on our way and in just that short distance, the emotions within me could not be contained. Basically, a death has occurred in my life.  Flip flop from sadness to anger and back again.

Grief is such a pain, whether for the dead or the living, it sucks.  No movie, no dinner, no interest anymore. Done.

So many questions, so many loose ends but…177F9360-1487-40FC-A06B-EC6F46CC93A8

Are You a Lifeline?

ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

 

A690CD34-394F-46E1-98C2-9B10834C049FIf you are reading this and in a position of helping others, THANK YOU.4BB561D0-8720-4E56-BE64-44501EBB811F

I cannot imagine the whole education timetable and training involved that goes behind your degrees but what I have researched, out of curiosity, I am totally amazed.

Knowing from my own personal experience with my counselor the past four years, I am and have been so thankful with what light she has shed upon my life and to help me understand the confusion, pain and chaos within that I did not understand.   Adult problems are childhood issues, a quote I have heard many times.  True.

I cannot imagine where I would be if it had not been for her.  I will never be able to thank her enough, or God for leading me to her at a time when I had no hope.

Being under her care, I have been taught, I have learned, I have done my own research and healing has taken place in my life. I am not the same person as I was when I walked through her door the very first time, thankfully.  While I still have much to learn, grow and heal, I know it is a process.  I give myself grace.

So, perhaps you feel overwhelmed and exhausted at times from listening to your clients, session after session of their visible and hidden pain, calming their fears, giving them ways to work through areas at hand and the list can go on and on and understandably so, but your own self-care is warranted and not to be overlooked.  Through each session with each client, know that you just might be their only lifeline.

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Grip of Fear

ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

Fear is no stranger to me or me of it.  Always lurking around ready to attach and bring me down.  

I have done so well lately, well a few days, but at one point while at work this afternoon, it hit.  The panic starts and questions roll within my mind of the what if’s.   At the time, I was thinking about counseling, my counselor.  Today is a Monday, my usual day to meet with my counselor as we have for years so it seemed appropriate that it happen today. My routine has been disrupted and I still feel lost by not going.

While she is on a leave of absence, perhaps six months or maybe longer, my mind zips to when she will return.  Will she call me?  Will I be invited back?  Am I anybody to her now?  The questions continue and bombard my mind and my body is reacting in panic of what if she doesn’t, you are nobody, it’s over, and so on.  

While all of this seems to last forever, it did not.  I was able to recognize what was happening, remembering her advice and direction, realizing I was feeling tired and overwhelmed with my work and how my body was frozen and feeling a sense of doom. All of this just added further chaos to my busy day, but I was happy I did not stay there.  


The hopelessness and tightness in my body was evident.  What am I going to do?  How am I going to make it?  I miss her.  I need her.  Oh my God, help me.  Panic!

Fear is tormenting no matter how it comes or what about.

Understanding and control finally took over and I continued with my work.  Considering the grip it had at the time, I decided to write.

Again, I have done so well the past few days and adjusting of our sessions no longer happening, knowing I still have attachment issues and feel the abandonment in this relationship, but I know I must go forward and I will. Hopefully, in a more healthier way than with past relationships. I’m still learning, growing and healing.

Whether I am called back if or when she starts counseling again, I don’t know, time will tell. It would hurt me deeply if not and I don’t know how I will respond, if so, but silently cry many tears and write more.

While it would be nice to know and hear from her, I realize boundaries are intact in our counselor/client relationship, so I patiently wait. I care for her, and I pray for her.

When the fear comes, and it will, no matter what form, all you can do is try to get a grip.