Lost Love?

 

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The other day, I got off the telephone at the office with an attorney about a case but ended up talking about our families, etc.  Knowing he has small children and having a busy law office covering many counties in this area, we got on the subject of taking time to breathe but also making sure his wife, the mother of his children is taken care of, too.  In his honesty and regrets, saying he has failed in this area while building his law firm.
I find it funny how many people and professionals such as this attorney will call into our office and this happens.  Perhaps they just need encouragement and the Lord is allowing me to do just that, which I like doing.
I know from experience that mothers lose themselves as they tend to the children, the school work, the groceries, cooking, housekeeping and you can AF45D6F0-AAB1-42D1-BBA8-E70BFCC8B7B9name a lot more I am sure, too.  They go and go and give and give and soon they are bankrupt, nothing to give at all  As the children grow and become more independent, it gets somewhat easier but then worry sets in moreso as they are driving and making decisions, etc.
B1069B56-9333-4128-A77F-96A5ECC798E6Just with this nice man who has been great to deal with in our business relationship to where we can talk about our families and such matters, I encouraged him that he needs to dote on his wife more.  It is time to take date nights that have fallen by the wayside.  Take the children to a family member or friend and maybe trade off times with other couples to do the same.  Anything!  Make it happen. A Google search has all kinds of ideas, from no cost dates to very fancy and expensive.
From experience, I was the one who made all the plans and did not want to bother anyone to watch the children or money was tight or whatever excuse and our marriage was hindered.  The kids left for college and we are left looking at each other like strangers.  The status of, I do not know you anymore and I am too tired to care to know you.  No interest was shown and now no interest to try on either side.
I have heard this over and over of how couples will lose themselves.  The wives with the children and tending to the home, etc., while the husbands are working and involved with sports.  Both are great things and necessary to do but if you forget each other during the process, what good is it.  One night a month, take those kids to a sitter or hire one and go out, if just for dinner. Your marriage relationship is worth it.
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Life is hard and pulls each one many ways but you must, whether you are the wife or the husband, pull yourself back in and grab the other one, keep the relationship real and alive between you both.  It’s not just about sex, it is time together.  Too late for me right now and others in the same boat but maybe not for you and your marriage.
If you have advice or tips on how to make marriages, especially with children better, please comment so others can read and get ideas.
To love and to cherish.
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Grades of Grief

1CC51986-2CC6-456F-BCB2-98B5AF2690B2     I have had my share of grief in life and no doubt, you also.  It, of course, can come from a physical death of a loved one or friend but grief is shared among other losses and the pain is there.
     Growing up and probably until my own mother passed away, I dealt with deaths and the visitations, funerals and family gatherings afterward never wanting to lose touch with cousins and extended family members, but you do.
     It was when my mother passed that it all became real, the grieving of what was and what will never be.  While we were not the mother-daughter connection as pictures show and memories are made of, still she was my mother.  Sitting at traffic lights looking up at the beautiful sky and seeing the clouds, the tears would flow were my usual bouts of grief.
     Just a few years later, while trying to maintain my own home but also my father’s home and all of his financial and medical affairs, my marriage was dying.  I could feel it, I knew things were not right. I blamed myself as I was being pulled in many directions and apparently neglecting him.  While that was all true of caring and doing for many, I am not to accept all the blame and I will not.  Still, grieving the marriage of what was and what will never be.
F36661FC-75AE-4792-88F7-1F4EFB5ACE0E     Through the years, I have lost friendships for whatever reason by job change, moving, etc. no doubt, you have also.  Realizing their friendship was just for a season, whether it be their season or mine, it still hurts to lose the closeness. Depending how close we were, the grief can become intense, not just uncomfortable for a bit.
     With that I found myself to be distant with some because of the hurt, the grief of losing them. They are still alive but not there. Just recently, I went through this with someone very special to me. Every level of grief was there still and I knew it. Even today, I now teeter between the depression stage and acceptance.  This can last for a bit.  When sadness hits, I cry and then I get back up accept what is. Thankfully the anger has lost its power but it was there and normal.
     Whether it is a person, a pet or whatever to cause your heart to ache, it is normal.  It just shows you are normal and have a heart and love within that you shared.
Looking at the chart of the many levels of grief, I recognize each one and understand when it hits.  One of those, ‘been there, done that’ quotes.  No matter what your situation, grief is hard and exhausting.
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     Understanding the levels of grief in whatever you are facing, it will help you through it.  Normal.  Cry if you need to and then carry on the best you can. Some days you will need to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.  Normal.  Will life be the same?  No.  A new normal will form and you will adjust.  One day, your experience will be encouragement to another; you made it and they will also.
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Catch a Blowing Kiss 💋

13729142-69e8-4743-9feb-2efad95e868e-12389-00000b92ef91368dBlow me a kiss and I will grab it.  Mine to cherish, remember and treasure.

Many of you reading may not understand why a kiss blown is so special to me; but for those who did not receive openly, expressed love growing up, it is a moment etched in the brain of the receiver.  A gift.  7B94430B-9382-470E-B3E0-C8DA6D2D98F5

Today, I just so happened to see someone that is special to me and I have missed. While only passing in the car and the kiss she blew to me, it meant so much.  To know she was happy to see me in passing and cared enough to do that, my heart felt full. 💕

Many friends and families throw around the words ‘I Love You’ and kisses on the cheek given so quickly and freely, although love through it all, too, I find it to be just because that is what you do.  Meaningful feelings sometimes I feel are overlooked, just expected. I do not know really because I never had that so when it does happen, a sincere tight hug or like today, a kiss blown toward me showing they cared, touches my heart deeply.

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It is when and I know so well, the quiet, lonely times of feeling desolate from friends and family and that nobody cares.   Thankfully, faith arises knowing the Lord loves me and is always there for me.  I have to depend upon Him to love me and I have to accept His Love, then peace comes.

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POST BLOG 4/26/20  Maybe I did not see her blowing a kiss but maybe it was just a sign language sign of thank you. I don’t know. I question myself and have this whole time.  Sometimes we hear what we want to hear and perhaps we see what we want to see.  As I watch the sign language interpreter today regarding the COVID19 doing the ‘thank you’ sign, I am actually saddened for I did see what I wanted to see, as I needed that so much. What if wrong, I’m embarrassed. What if correct, very pleased.  Either way, grief exists. Today is not a good day. 😭