As I drove home from work the other day, thinking and praying, I was praying about a matter in my own life. As I went around the bend in the road, I started praying for my son. While he is getting through some issues, my heart remains heavy for him. I am his mother so he has my full heart.
In my car I tend to pray a lot as I drive, tears flow and I feel the Spirit of God fall on me. Now don’t tell anyone, but I tend to sing well in my car, too. I am sure many do the same as I do. Right? It’s me and the Lord. So many times through the years and had it not been for those driving moments, I may not be here. He heard my cries, saw my tears and He never left me.
As I was starting to pray for my son, I just stopped and said, ‘Lord just forget me right now, don’t take up your time with me, as I will make it through but please put Your Mighty Hand upon my child and help him.’ In just a sweet moment after saying that request, the words ‘I will not forget you’ rushed through my mind, my spirit. I smiled. I questioned, as that was me, which is normal but that is exactly how caring He is. Confidence in knowing He will not forget me.
Through the years, too many times, those sweet moments carried me through and my faith increased.
Perhaps you are going through something right now that seems impossible or overwhelming or for a loved one, like me. Please know that the Lord sees you, hears you, knows your heart and sees your tears. Trust Him and allow His Peace to flow through you.
As I received the attention and physical touch of hugs from others, like the motherly types, my quizzed mentality often questioned why that was so easy to give and take but with my actual family, like my own mother, as it was not. So, it must be me.
you maneuver through the struggles, just as I am doing. Instead of me dwelling and how I often remained stuck in the ‘what is wrong with me’ mentality, I can recognize it and move on a lot quicker.
All I can gather is that the emotional toil on my life has zapped me more than I thought. The past two months of losses with animals, loved ones, turmoil with my child of worry and the unknown of what is before me. Exhaustion with it all plus the heat and humidity where I live has caused a lack of energy. Giving myself grace instead of feeling all down, depressed and lazy is a big step for me though. I have been through a lot of ups and downs. It’s okay to have some up and down days, too.
Instead of yearning for the motherly hugs from motherly figures around me or even from my counselor, which she gave me often upon leaving our session due to knowing my heart and feeling my basic heartache, I have turned more to the Lord. Lord, hold me through this or I need your loving arms to wrap around me. I need you. Hold me tight, don’t let go. Perhaps learning while knowing, that was what He wanted from me anyway, which was to turn toward Him and allow His Love to fill my heart void of love. No other can fill that void.
People, whether, friends, family, church, even counselors, etc., will let us down and hurt us. Normal. Our focus should be on God and know that He truly loves each one of us. To truly grasp that from one growing up feeling unloved, just existing, and love not shown, it is easy to question. Also normal.
Just Pondering... 