This morning as I was walking with my walking buddy, we discussed how when we did not have two nickels to rub together, as they say, when young and starting out on our own, that someone helped us. Today, we have not forgotten the person or their kindness, not to mention the expense. Paying forward now is what we do and hopefully the trend continues.
It was nice to think of that this morning and remember the rough periods but also that my Christian walk and my prayer life developed in those times.
I was in my early twenties and living at home with my
parents still, which was fine then. Our telephone rang, I answered and it was a lady we know stating her rental house was available. Great, I’ll tell my bother and sister-in-law was my thought. As I walked up to the finished attic that served as my living room and bedroom, I kept hearing, ‘It’s for you.’ Each time, it was if I could turn around and see somebody standing and saying ‘It’s for you.’ A little spooky. Those words would not leave.
Okay, fine! I called the lady back and inquired about the small, shotgun-type house and, of course, her husband had the time to show it to me right then. So, I went to look at it. I picked it apart in my mind of what it needed, did not have and built my case to show the Lord it was not for me. No doubt, He knew I would try to prove Him wrong.
The biggest things were that there were no appliances (stove, refrigerator, washer/dryer). Nope, not for me. The old, ugly disgusting carpet was beyond my comprehension of dealing with. Nope, nasty.
It was that same week, my brother and sister-in-law moved to a new place, not this house. I come home and the garage door was open and my mother, a clean freak, was cleaning a stove and refrigerator to store away until needed. Of course, my mouth dropped and as told her what had just happened. It’s for me.
Everything lined up that I needed to start housekeeping.
As for the carpet, my aging neighbor had new carpet put in that week, too, and had the old brought down to our garage for me. Not knowing what was happening but because years before, I told her I like it. The garage filled up with everything I needed with no effort, but cleaning and moving.
This little house was mine to rent for a small amount and the owners paid for paint, new locks, etc., and another room of carpet because they knew it was for me and I would take care of it. It’s for me! I loved that little house and lived there seven years. I grew up spiritually in that house and learned to trust the Lord and my faith flourished.
Listen for His Voice. Trust the Lord and He will do exceedingly, abundantly all things. Remember what He has done for you. What an Awesome God we have.

Depression can wipe anyone out and while I knew I was in depression, I did not realize just how bad. Hanging on by a thread for years due to life situations, a dead marriage, other areas and at times a bad hair day.
While I spent many years with her, and that being many, long and hard sessions, it was worth it all. At times, some sessions were like a breath of fresh air but many were down right in the trench digging through the muck of my life and situations where I did not want to continue and just give up and die. Apparently, I did not give up nor did I die. I believe without a doubt that the Lord led me to her and in those four years, we covered a lot of ground.
You Are Worthy!
So many times, I looked to others for my worth waiting for a compliment or to know they cared in some, small way or the hugs I craved. When received, my hope and worth in life became alive and joyful. Somebody cares for me. Sadly, short lived. The memories of that moment of high feeling that may last for days, comes down to trying to conjure up the memory or that same, sweet feeling and hearing words said directly to me. While I can remember, it is not the same. Sadness overcomes my soul for I need another fix. Somebody please tell me you care for me, hug me please as my mind is screaming, pat my arm so I can feel that touch again and burn it in my memory, I am desperate for connection.
The cage I was in of desperately wanting love and worth of others can only come from the Lord. Releasing others from their attention and love that I required and hungered for only comes in small doses but receiving at times sometimes unexpectedly is so much sweeter.
