Just Pondering…

Sometimes I find myself amazed, not in just things and people around me, but in myself. With you not knowing me and many really do not, I have come a long way.

Depression can wipe anyone out and while I knew I was in depression, I did not realize just how bad. Hanging on by a thread for years due to life situations, a dead marriage, other areas and at times a bad hair day.

So many times through those years, my mind screaming, ‘please help me’ to those around me, mostly my church family although that meant opening up and being vulnerable. My screams remained within and I continued on with life draining from me slowly. The Bible story of those holding up Moses’ arms is what I needed. I had no strength on my own in any area, just enough to work and come home and repeat like a wash cycle.

Exodus 17 “Moses became weary, and so Aaron and Hur responded by holding up his arms until the Israelites were able to finally defeat the Amalekites.”

Realizing, I needed someone that I could trust and talk to, was when I did my research for months and prayerfully sought out a Christian Counselor. That was almost five years now. Had it not been, I do not know where I would be today.

While I spent many years with her, and that being many, long and hard sessions, it was worth it all. At times, some sessions were like a breath of fresh air but many were down right in the trench digging through the muck of my life and situations where I did not want to continue and just give up and die. Apparently, I did not give up nor did I die. I believe without a doubt that the Lord led me to her and in those four years, we covered a lot of ground.

Now I am seeing others to take me to my next level. I want more in life so I will continue to pursue just that. Just this week, there was a change in me and I recognized it with open arms. I have changed. I am not the same person, as before. I could not help but smile and feel happy, like another breath of fresh air entered in me. Welcomed.

Struggling with depression is not easy. Sure I will have some down or blah days still, we all will, but nothing like before. This breath of fresh air did not come overnight. Many times, fighting like a cat in a paper bag, it felt like.

If you are dealing with depression, take one day at a time. Take care of you in all areas (emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually). Open up with a trusted friend or find yourself a counselor. Most importantly, take care of yourself spiritually, find a Bible believing church and worship the Lord.  He knows your name and He knows where you are.

You are worth fighting for, remember that!