Knock, Knock

998E1F4C-1650-4780-A4C0-D4A9A20C7193Do you ever daydream about, perhaps winning the lottery and what you would do with the millions of dollars?  Sometimes, I do and no doubt you do, too. It is just fun.

My other daydream I have is that one day somebody will come and knock on my door, offering to buy my house and property.   Of course, the dollar amount would need to be just right.  Would I?  Yes!  Enough money and I’ll be out next week.0AE6E12E-4E5F-4593-A5F2-61A88272D4AC

Crazy enough, I know of a family that had this happen. Actually, if there was a house I loved and knew I could afford, etc., I would knock on their door and offer my price for the family to sell and leave.  Perhaps if I won the lottery, if only I played and won, I could do that.  Again, just fun. Daydreaming at its finest.

7168C60E-AA8F-4FEA-B353-54549ED27767Yesterday, being April Fool’s Day, I sent pictures of a small, cute house, and several rooms inside, all coordinated that fits the character of the outside and of my personality to my sister with, ‘Look what I did!’  With Google, you can do anything.  The dreaming came alive even more.

I love my house but being an empty nester, I don’t want or need all this space.  The yard is bigger than I want and even for my husband nowadays as age is creeping up on both of us.

So to dream, the escape of what is or of what could be is my happy place. 😎

 

 

Different Wavelengths

Sometimes, through the years I just want to throw my hands up.   Even today, the thought of going and doing something at a moments notice, becomes deadend.

Over the past thirty-three years together, unless I plan and make plans aware and down to the minute, things will not happen in this relationship.  No matter what it is.  Yes, sex, too.5A5CABA9-2B4C-47F8-A06A-26138023EB11

I do the planning, make financial decisions and no matter what, which is a lot of pressure on a wife.    Perhaps realizing just four years ago I have dealt with Aspergers, I get it now but still it does not ease the frustration of the past, present or future.

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Just today, the thought of going to a park I am unfamiliar with but he knows, I thought it would be a nice time to walk and enjoy the cool, crisp air with sun on my face.  Of course, he is walking the dog and the daylight hours were nearing and that would be mentioned when I brought up this brilliant idea and time wasted on details of such fact.  This is how it happens.  Never ending.  So, I usually go on my own and keep moving forward with, or most times, without him.

Is this typical with other Asperger couples?  Never on the same wavelength and it becomes lonely and sad.  I want more in life and fun.  Just no connection.

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Square Bushes

For whatever reason, my mind jumped to the day my husband trimmed our bushes in our landscape after I had surgery.  This task was mine through the many years of home ownership and landscape care. 14c5f51f-9efe-4952-8db7-5b3d2f7ea116

Everybody has their own way of doing things and their opinions, which is fine but the OCD in me and the Aspergers in him collide.  This has happened so many times in our marriage to the point of craziness within me and no doubt within him, perhaps.

Since, learning of Aspergers just four years ago from my counselor and doing my own research, I have become more tolerant of him.  It is fair to say, I feel less crazy, too, by knowing why he does things, which is normal with Aspergers.

So often, I wish I had known going into our marriage what I was dealing with.  I think the outcome would possibly be different, but not certain.

Just the other night, he made a comment of something he does that is odd and as he recognized it and said, that’s just me.  I confirmed that in him, that’s just you and there is nothing wrong with that.  Oh my gosh, who am I?, I thought.  Before I would have rolled my eyes and let him criticize himself with the negative talk.  We went on our merry way while shopping.

While we all have our own idiosyncrasies, patience is always needed for one another.  The day of the square bushes, I remember so well, the shock within me seeing them.  Now, I can laugh.

cb5dc8ad-5d67-4122-b8f5-bad49a99f162Taking time to thank him for helping but to help him understand that trees, bushes and all do not grow square, look around.  Plus, it makes a yard look old, yuck.  With some direction, it was time to do some adjustments on the bushes to make them look more natural and, of course, time to grow out.  We still laugh over this at times.

986f0f64-3d8a-47be-8f9e-baed519c1c3fWe all have rough edges and we all grow and learn in different stages.  In myself, I am not where I want to be but I am not where I was.  We have to be kind to ourselves and understand it’s a process.

With others, we need patience because we do not know what they are dealing with.

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Perhaps this is just a reminder to me today, of what I might be faced with as my day begins, I don’t know.  In life, there are square bushes.

Enjoy your day! 😊