Life – Page 5 – Just Pondering…

Sanded Away

May 9, 2020May 9, 2020ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

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A task I have been wanting to do for years but never enough time or desire to really attempt, I did. With this quarantine, I have had my ups and downs, but I am starting to enjoy being home. Working one day a week is not that bad, but I know once we are back in full swing, I will most likely be working overtime, so for now, I am enjoying my time, completing jobs on my to-do list and let’s not forget about those naps.

So the past two weeks or so, I have taken my solid oak kitchen table top and two oak end tables out to the driveway and garage to sand, in between other projects. I tend to start many projects at a time, so I have a mess in many rooms. I get bored with one, work on another or allow time for paint to dry, etc. Oftentimes wondering if I will get it all back together, but I do. I actually enjoy working with wood, remodeling, decorating, recovering chair cushions and all that HGTV has to offer. Just give me a sledgehammer or a tool, they do not intimidate me.

As I am sanding this much used and abused table, enjoying the breeze as it scoots the dust out away from me, I think of all the memories this old table has held. Thinking back of when we got it and the hutch to match, back in 1991. Where did the time go? My parents bought this for us, as a gift in our first home.

I remember going to the furniture store to pick it out, knowing it would last for a lifetime; and thirty-one years later, it has many more years to go and will after I am dead and gone. I love oak or any solid wood furniture. I know if my son and daughter-in-law get this later on, she will paint it, all of my work covered in a color. The girl loves to paint wood furniture but I guess it won’t matter to me, so paint on!

The dinners, holidays, the birthday parties, games, puzzles, crafts, and if my husband wasn’t caught, he used it as a work bench, which I frowned upon. Seriously? No! I think he is scared of me and if so, my job is complete.

Memories of the past brings a smile, as memories are priceless as I enjoyed the time sanding. One table down and two end tables to go. The end tables were my parent’s tables, which I inherited. I picked them out when we went shopping for furniture many, many years ago so I did good and they have been great tables.

As I sand, take a step back to see if I need to sand more, I think, we all have areas in our lives that need to be sanded to make the rough edges smooth or buff the dull, lifelessness away for something new. Sometimes not a pleasant experience. Or perhaps we know ourselves well enough that we are aware of areas that need attention and to prepare in order to meet goals in life. It’s the end result that matters, of what we make of the rough edges and areas that need attention.

In those times of sanding and buffing, hopefully we learn a lesson of what not to do, usually, or how to make better. If I could redo my life, of course, with what I know now, I definitely would change some things, a lot of things. What I have is today, to make my tomorrows better.

In myself, I started years ago, probably 2008, attempting but knocked down time and time again. In 2010, I made the decision to have weight-loss surgery to help my self-esteem and confidence come alive, which helped but I kept getting snagged in some rough places. Finally, in 2014, enough was enough and the buffing began in my life with counseling. This was not always comfortable but worth the end result of what I can see come about and hope for. I’m getting there!

Why did it take me so long to understand and why I do the things I do, think, feel? Now it is like I don’t have a lot of time left in life to enjoy, as my age increases, but I will to the best of my ability to reach toward the goals and trust the Lord through it all. as I have done. 80F6F564-6467-479B-9638-CDA147FC2414

Had it not been for this period of counseling, I really don’t know where I would be right now, except maybe isolated and severely depressed or perhaps not even here writing this blog. At times I am just in awe of the changes around me and within me and look forward to what is ahead. I have hope where there was none.

Sometimes we have to go through the sanding and the buffing to enjoy the beauty of a finished product. Hopefully saying, it was worth it all.

My finished product:

Don’t Move!

January 25, 2020ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

Many years ago, we lived on a street not far from my parents and I loved our cute house, our home for eleven years. The memories of my boys being raised there will always be fond ones. 59AF2340-E891-4552-B30C-43D3E15500E0

We had a sweet, older woman across the street that was the best neighbor and friend ever. I remember telling her before I had my second child my fear of not having enough love for another child. My first child was the best thing ever for me. I finally knew with him what love was and felt like by having him. He was mine and I am his, I am his mother, the bond of love was there. My sweet neighbor just said, ‘you will have enough love for this child, too.’ Sure enough, she was right. Now the two of them were mine and I am theirs, their mother and each one loved so much. 15207284-63B5-464E-83F2-071B9CDE8F4A Years later, we decided to move. Even though there was excitement, there was also a loss of leaving my neighbor. I knew she hated losing us as I/we hated losing her, the closeness we had as being neighbors. Our move was not far at all, just up the street so basically we were still neighbors but not one of close proximity as before. I told her we would still be close although I realized she knew then what I feel now, we won’t. The relationship and closeness will never be the same.

Now, my friend that is my walking buddy and I have EC5217E6-A035-4A0D-9750-FE09D15FE958 been friends for years, and lives close. Actually, she lives in our old house, which tends to bring joy when I visit, as I can go down memory lane of when we lived there.

Just this past week, she informed me that they are moving. While excited for them as we walked and talked about their upcoming plans, days later I found myself sad over this matter. I was now dealing with grief. I am losing yet another person in my life. Of course, they are not moving far away but enough that our walking routine and friendship will never be the same. Knowing just as with my sweet, older neighbor and our move back then, it will not be the same. So I am saddened by this move of my friend. EE4AB162-5F9A-4701-BDCA-9A723A9EC374

Even though, as with other losses in my life, life does go on. There is hope in that saying but yet there is still a sense of sadness, we grieve for what once was and miss them.

In all honesty, I found myself upset and asking, ‘Lord, why are you taking another person from my life?’ I had a little pity party but I know it is Him that I go to, lean on and love. He will NEVER leave me.

I have realized certain people come into our lives at the time we need them and no doubt they need us, having faith that the Lord allowed our paths to cross. He is good like that.

In my years with those that did cross my path and a relationship was built, it may be years later when we see each other again. Still there is a friendly-relationship bond that is still present and we pick up where we left off but not on an everyday occasion, it could be years until we meet again. Those relationships, I do enjoy because I feel the Lord allowed them at the right time, right place. Blessings!

Now my dear friend, walking buddy is moving soon. As we get closer to springtime, my daily walks will not be the same without her. Although, we will both walk forward, both of us knowing the Lord is doing a work in each of our lives and there is excitement in the air. As the seasons change, so do relationships and that is not necessarily a bad thing.

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“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.” —Emery Allen

3 Ways to Tell if They Are In Your Life For a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

My Achy Breaky Heart

January 24, 2020ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

EE333D73-EDCD-4FE8-82B0-DCA046E78CC9 We have all heard the song, Achy Breaky Heart, at some point in our life. Honestly, I did not like that song then and the title is only being used as it fits my story.

The other night as I watched Grey’s Anatomy, they said that this man had a broken heart syndrome, which caught my attention. With that I remembered back way many years ago when I was in the hospital for some reason. That is how long ago it was, as I cannot remember what was medically happening then.

Odds are though, it was between 2000 and 2008. I was dealing with too much on my plate and my marriage was lost and suffering in the midst. Many health and psychology articles mention if stress, anger and emotional turmoil within is not dealt with, physical ailments result. Bingo! I had been experiencing a pain in my heart for awhile but could never express to the nurses or doctors of the nagging pain that was continuous, tests were negative which of course brought fear, even more into my life because the pain remained.

As I was in the hospital bed, the nurse was checking my vitals and asking me questions about the pain and sadly I said to her that I think I just have a broken heart. In my mind, that was truth, it was that bad in my life. Being a patient in the hospital was never a problem for me, even though sleep is interrupted often but to me it was a respite for me from my own home. How sad is that?

I knew as a patient, they would care for me. I did not need to care for anyone. The medical field was always an interest anyway but time away, an excused absence from my life, was welcomed when it did happen.

Here it has been so many years of me feeling and saying of my broken heart that it is actually a real thing. I was not wrong to tell that nurse my heart was broken, because it was. Whether it was broken heart syndrome or not, I do have proof that I had a stroke in 2007. No doubt that was stress related and odds are an end result of it all combined.

Through the years of dealing with such, I have learned to deal with and take care of myself and to heal the ache. While some of those times were building walls so that it would never happen again, from anyone, that is not good either. Life happens and we will be hurt and I have been. I recognize that sometimes these overwhelming times of distraught made me stronger. I made it through the last time, I can make it through this time, being resilient. I had to be.

Having my former counselor in 2014 for four years, I learned to acknowledge the hurt, notice where I felt the symptoms in my body, feel the feelings, name it, etc. while that helped and helps now, I believe most importantly pray for forgiveness of the one hurting you, which will release and bring the wall down that was readily to go up instantly. Not necessarily for them but for yourself.

We will all be hurt at some point and in different areas and also we must acknowledge that we will hurt others, too. It is life and how the world goes around. Perhaps not meaning to be hurt or cause hurt but it happens.

Thankfully we have a Heavenly Father that knows all about us. He sees us as in pain from the hurt. He knew we built walls around us determined never to be done that way again. He sees and collects all of our tears, many times thinking He has gallon jugs of my tears. He knows that we had or have unforgiveness in our heart. Still, He loves us. He patiently allows us to wallow in our despair and agony, kick and scream and act like brats at times. We are His children and He loves us. In time though, for complete joy, peace and happiness in life, we must turn to Him. God, I need you! He is right there waiting on us to call upon Him.

Only God can heal my broken heart and He has many times. The pain eases and I can trust Him that through it ALL, He knows me, He loves me. Same with you. We all will have times where it seems hopeless. Whatever or whomever has hurt you, causing pain in your life, turn it over and allow Him to heal your broken heart or pieces within. Trust Him!