Life – Page 22 – Just Pondering…

Isolation Stops Here

February 23, 2019February 24, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

63BADBC8-34A8-4B71-83EB-6A330D5AE5DD While being alone at times can be helpful in order to get re-charged, spend time with God, which is all normal but other times it can be detrimental.

Years ago, after several family estate issues I tended to and lies were said about me to many, I begin to believe the hurtful lies and question my own worth. You can believe that the enemy took hold real quick. I avoided life itself, a prison within my own home and within myself. I was dying and actually that would have been a relief. Satan wants nothing more than to kill, steal and destroy. I knew that but no energy to fight.

I had a choice, to live or to die. I’m still here! It has not been easy and heartache and pain still hits. I know the ones that are still lying and saying things about me to those that will listen. I cannot control those situations. Some thrive on drama and such. Know them by their fruits, forgive and move on. The Lord said He would fight my battles. I have to trust Him.

Dealing with a situation recently, I wanted to crawl back into the dark pit of despair of isolation. To not trust anyone, feeling sadness, anger, depression, etc.

While I canceled one social event because of being emotionally overwhelmed, I had another event today. I came very close, a couple of times to do the same, but I pushed through. 81519706-EA83-4A56-942B-4F914147BAA2

I never want isolation to control me ever again causing rejection, inferiority and every other evil plot that Satan can throw at me.

I have worked too long and hard through the last four years to drop back down to the depths of despair.

Plus, I love the fact that even through this pull to remain within my four walls, the Lord has been gracious enough to open up His Word to me, reading various writings of exactly what I am dealing with, as if they were written just for me, which increased my faith and to remind me of His Love for me. That’s God.

Push through the lies, push through the despair within and draw close to the Lord. You may feel dead within and walking blindly. Through the anguish, if all you can say is Jesus, He understands you and He knows.

(Personalize the following)

He knows your (my) name.

He knows where you are (I am).

He loves you (me).

Grief

February 22, 2019February 22, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

8FF8D233-A8E5-483E-BADD-69136FB3D93D Sometimes words are not audible. There are times our eyes say it all in their sadness and tears may fall or are always welled up within them. Our throat may tense as we take a breath and hold while trying to hold back an outburst of sobs. Everything within is crumbling while you do everything to appear normal on the outside.

I have been through enough grief in my lifetime and I am sure you have, too. Grief of actual deaths and of losses in relationships. No matter, grief is grief. Each new one will bring intense pain that seems to outdo the last one.

The mental and emotional torment takes its toll and then slowly, a daily realization comes that a new normal exists.

Have grace for yourself in the midst of the pain, as often as you need it.

96D9BE4F-0F4D-474C-869B-6155DB2D3A19

Etched In My Brain

February 13, 2019February 13, 2019ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

So many instances in my life and I am sure of yours, there are moments that are like they happened yesterday. You can feel what you felt at the moment, see the place you were at the atmosphere around you and remember the words said, as if was all frozen in time.

I was thinking of this comment made to me months ago, while driving to work this morning, I did just that. The words said meant the world to me and re-living that moment, hearing them, knowing where I was, seeing the surroundings and feeling the gasp within as I heard the words on the other end of the telephone. I did the same this morning, I gasped as in being frozen because I remembered everything exactly as it was said, my posture, etc., because I did not want to forget and I haven’t.

While pondering this moment in time, I thought of other verbal comments made to me throughout my lifetime and, of course, some of those words were not as kind and forgiving, but I do freeze as if the words are being etched in my brain forever.

The words, “I care for you and I love you” were said on that day and I believe in all sincerity. I have had to repeat them over and over to myself since because of the sadness and grief feeling I have experienced since that day. Just dwelling on them this morning and recalling the memory, I am thankful I can remember the details. It has helped me cope with the separation in our relationship.

What we say to others just might be the spark of hope they need to hold on to, as these words are for me. Without saying, and as I previously mentioned, this can also include negative but let’s focus on the positive and lift up others. Let others know you care. We never know what the next person whether friend, family or a complete stranger is going through. Sadly, it just might be the last time you see them or associate with them and this lasting memory will be etched in their brain, as these words in mine and bring hope.