Sometimes words are not audible. There are times our eyes say it all in their sadness and tears may fall or are always welled up within them. Our throat may tense as we take a breath and hold while trying to hold back an outburst of sobs. Everything within is crumbling while you do everything to appear normal on the outside.
I have been through enough grief in my lifetime and I am sure you have, too. Grief of actual deaths and of losses in relationships. No matter, grief is grief. Each new one will bring intense pain that seems to outdo the last one.
The mental and emotional torment takes its toll and then slowly, a daily realization comes that a new normal exists.
Have grace for yourself in the midst of the pain, as often as you need it.