Did I Hear You Right?

D2300766-D046-4D4D-9397-E890752A4E3AThis morning as I was walking with my walking buddy, we discussed how when we did not have two nickels to rub together, as they say, when young and starting out on our own, that someone helped us.  Today, we have not forgotten the person or their kindness, not to mention the expense.  Paying forward now is what we do and hopefully the trend continues.

It was nice to think of that this morning and remember the rough periods but also that my Christian walk and my prayer life developed in those times.

I was in my early twenties and living at home with my FADC724E-F7D5-49B9-91F7-D3380F3717C8parents still, which was fine then.  Our telephone rang, I answered and it was a lady we know stating her rental house was available.  Great, I’ll tell my bother and sister-in-law was my thought.  As I walked up to the finished attic that served as my living room and bedroom, I kept hearing, ‘It’s for you.’  Each time, it was if I could turn around and see somebody standing and saying ‘It’s for you.’  A little spooky.  Those words would not leave.

1777A712-8114-4C68-A8EC-8558DC3B8D68Okay, fine! I called the lady back and inquired about the small, shotgun-type house and, of course, her husband had the time to show it to me right then. So, I went to look at it.  I picked it apart in my mind of what it needed, did not have and built my case to show the Lord it was not for me. No doubt, He knew I would try to prove Him wrong.

The biggest things were that there were no appliances (stove, refrigerator, washer/dryer).  Nope, not for me.  The old, ugly disgusting carpet was beyond my comprehension of dealing with. Nope, nasty.

It was that same week, my brother and sister-in-law moved to a new place, not this house.  I come home and the garage door was open and my mother, a clean freak, was cleaning a stove and refrigerator to store away until needed. Of course, my mouth dropped and as told her what had just happened.  It’s for me.

Everything lined up that I needed to start housekeeping.991C4B29-1B9C-460C-AF91-8E0B99285539

As for the carpet, my aging neighbor had new carpet put in that week, too, and had the old brought down to our garage for me.  Not knowing what was happening but because years before, I told her I like it.  The garage filled up with everything I needed with no effort, but cleaning and moving.

This little house was mine to rent for a small amount and the owners paid for paint, new locks, etc., and another room of carpet because they knew it was for me and I would take care of it.  It’s for me!  I loved that little house and lived there seven years.  I grew up spiritually in that house and learned to trust the Lord and my faith flourished.

Listen for His Voice.  Trust the Lord and He will do exceedingly, abundantly all things. Remember what He has done for you.  What an Awesome God we have.

52FE4CA4-88DA-4E0E-A131-F78584F99792

 

I Don’t Care!

Well, I do but not as much.2AD3C654-55F5-45B9-BAB1-6586A33A6257

Always I would watch and listen to people and they have their opinions, thoughts or no filter on what was said. They could care less what you thought or what I thought, giving no time to share. Often, I would wonder or want that and question how do they do that, what gives?

My husband was one. Early on in our relationship, he said he did not care what others thought. Proved to be true.

While at times this would be a nice quality, I am glad that I am somewhat quiet and reserved. What is said, is said and cannot be taken back. A few words can destroy a relationship forever. I know that to be fact. Forgiveness is required but the heart will never heal.

Thinking of what I just did for me, I had to come to the conclusion that I don’t care. I am trying to take care of me. I am not a small, petite older woman. I am tall and have a large bone structure and there is nothing wrong with that.

Over the extent of my marriage, a not so happy one, but through the emotional garbage and emotional eating, I gained over one-hundred and fifteen pounds. Not good.

3C4E3597-6B07-4E85-8E34-06C6C41BD9CDThe good news is that I have lost eighty-five of it. Yay me! I am at the weight before having my second child. I walk a lot, watch my food intake and guzzle water often. I am trying. I have been in counseling the last five years to tend to my wellbeing in all areas. This endeavor has not been easy and at times, cookies and milk would sure solve all of my problems, which is not true, of course.

Walking has helped me with stress and anxiety. I found that to be very helpful after counseling sessions a year or so ago, after meeting with my former counselor. As much as I love and miss her, she could really hit some buttons. No regrets.

Anyway, walking is boring especially if I am by myself, although I have my earbuds in listening to either Christian music or podcasts, all to help and encourage me. I need to move so I bought myself a nice bike. 20C42D68-4A3B-498A-8404-3037C58C4AAB

I haven’t had a bike for years and never felt comfortable riding when I did due to my weight and spread of my hips swallowing the seat.  The thought of what others thought riding behind me whether they be walking, riding, or driving is somewhat unnerving to me and my desire to quit and hide has haunted me.  A life-long fear of my thoughts of what others see, think or say.

846237FC-5851-4267-BC56-591A03F62377

That is where I don’t care or at least try to not care.  I need to switch it up from walking and I chose this.  My riding until I get my bearings and hard nosed will go forth.  How else do I or any other heavyweight person lose the weight and seek self-care, if not getting out there to try and not care.

Some people are just rude.  No doubt there is not one person that does not want an area or more different on their body.  We all have insecurities.

This past year I have shrugged my shoulders up so much as to the I don’t care attitude and I like it.  As my mother used to say, sweep around your door.

762E9782-4650-4B06-B0A4-F6E8A9F521FE

I am taking care of me, I recommend you do the same.  It has taken me way too long, many counseling sessions and prayers to get to this point.  I have fought to get to this point. The Lord has more in store for me, for you and each one of us before we die.  Let’s make the most of it.

So, shrug those shoulders and say, I don’t care.

Quotes

  • “The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think.”
  • “One of the greatest mental freedoms is truly not caring what anyone else thinks of you.”
  • “What God knows about me is more important than what others think about me.”
  • “Until we care more about what God thinks than what other people think we are never truly free.” Christine Caine
  • “You are not what others think you are. You are what God knows you are.”

https://biblereasons.com/caring-what-others-think/

Just Forget Me

As I drove home from work the other day, thinking and praying, I was praying about a matter in my own life. As I went around the bend in the road, I started praying for my son. While he is getting through some issues, my heart remains heavy for him. I am his mother so he has my full heart.687B8AD4-B9DF-430E-9EDC-1B2EDA59250A

In my car I tend to pray a lot as I drive, tears flow and I feel the Spirit of God fall on me.  Now don’t tell anyone, but I tend to sing well in my car, too. I am sure many do the same as I do. Right? It’s me and the Lord. So many times through the years and had it not been for those driving moments, I may not be here. He heard my cries, saw my tears and He never left me.

As I was starting to pray for my son, I just stopped and said, ‘Lord just forget me right now, don’t take up your time with me, as I will make it through but please put Your Mighty Hand upon my child and help him.’  In just a sweet moment after saying that request, the words ‘I will not forget you’ rushed through my mind, my spirit.  I smiled. I questioned, as that was me, which is normal but that is exactly how caring He is. Confidence in knowing He will not forget me.0FBA556F-ACD2-40CD-9E73-5B963F592813

Through the years, too many times, those sweet moments carried me through and my faith increased.

Perhaps you are going through something right now that seems impossible or overwhelming or for a loved one, like me.  Please know that the Lord sees you, hears you, knows your heart and sees your tears. Trust Him and allow His Peace to flow through you.

 

3D22EC84-FD16-4AE4-B4B1-5A9D09F2C38B