It’s Mothers Day! To each of you, Happy Mother’s Day. 💕
While this day is called out for mothers of which I am, I find it to be one of the most depressing days of the year. Let’s move on!
I know I am not the only one that feels this way, as I have read too much through the years. It could be a number of reasons why, such as loss of your own mother and feeling the grief, loss of a child that brings memories and an emptiness in your arms, perhaps forgotten by your own children due to their busy lives or whatever reason, it sucks. It just brings a depressing feeling and on a rainy day.
Even if my children would make a big thing of this day, I am unsure how I would handle. With my oldest being married now, I have been told over and over by my boss that once a son takes a wife, I will lose a son. I felt it last year and again this year.
Different times today, I had to fight the thoughts that I did not do my job as a mother to help them recognize such days or perhaps I was a terrible mother and don’t deserve such recognition. Remember, I said fight.
While I did not have a lot of time to make such days special, I recognized them on their birthdays, etc. Usually, I was too busy to care about the other special days, such as today, so I did a disservice to myself and they know I can get through these days. As for being a mom, I have bent over backward and still do, plus I did do a decent job as well as stay in an unhappy marriage to make sure they had the best instead of struggling financially or have no direction or supervision. So those negative thoughts were just that. I know what I have had to go through.
So this quiet, rainy and subdued day after church, I took a long nap. I will finish my day preparing for my work week and be happier when I open my eyes in the morning, as I made it through. Being a mother is one of the best, fulfilling positions in life, ever. Sometimes though, it has been and it is hard. Still, I would drop anything to do for them. They have been my life and reason for living.
As I write, I did get a call from my oldest and an expected text from my youngest. I do know they love me and appreciate me. Something I have said many times through the years, ‘Being a mother is one of the hardest jobs but the most rewarding.’ I am blessed to be called Mom.
All of my life I have heard that things, whether it be appliances breaking down and deaths or other things, too, comes in threes. I felt yesterday that this is all about to hit. While I brace myself, I also fight fear of the unknown. The third one?
I find it strange that I have heard that saying all my life, seeing it happen and how there is a heaviness that hovers. I am sure you have heard of this, too. It causes anxiety in me and I do not like it. I have dealt with enough fear in life that today I want to dismiss this thought of the doom and gloom. So BAM! If all these years, it was all bad, let’s turn that around and usher the good in instead. 
and trust must be in the Lord and whatever comes before me, I face it with Him and because of Him, I can make it.
In just over twenty-four hours, three of us will be walking in for a dreaded appointment but only two will be walking out. Our precious Baby will be crossing The Rainbow Bridge. My goodness, how hard it is to make this decision and to carry it out. While I know it is the right thing to do, I hesitate and think well maybe one more day, one more week. The same result will come. It is time.
hard and will be so hard to not see or step over or around this bundle of love.
Just Pondering... 