Loneliness

Flush of Anxiety

ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

CB331623-7076-49D0-8D93-22FD46465B38Years upon years when I felt the sadness of a loss, thoughts of a loss or fear of losing someone, a feeling of heat to almost moreso a frozen flush would commence on the inside of my chest and flow downward.  Like flowing over my heart, the heartache and sadness from deep within.

The thought of loss at the moment of sadness, immediately the flush begins and ends, within seconds. The sensation is horrifying to be honest, which brings on added anxiety of panic.

Perhaps due to childhood emotional neglect, trauma and feelings of abandonment through life has not helped.  As I research and recognize this within my body, feeling sadness at the time, it is so bothersome.

How do you tell or explain such a thing happening as I am and have experienced?  Is it normal?  I don’t know.  Just pondering this and welcome feedback if you ever experience this.

Anxiety Sucks!

Nobody Knows…

ponderingmissylouLeave a comment

E3C27C33-64E8-40BF-9E92-8061C873BCD9While trying to understand life even now at my age, I find it is hard to grasp at times.  The loneliness can be overwhelming but welcomed, too.

After years of friends and acquaintances, some you can share with and some are just too wrapped up in themselves.  Some you can share portions of your life with and sadly some you cannot trust.   All of this leaves one alone to sort out the thoughts, dreams and to fight off the negative thoughts and feelings within that comes.

To be lucky enough to have a good counselor, of which I have, there is still a gap in understanding between us but I feel that is normal as in any relationship.  There is only so much you can get across in fifty minutes a week.  None of us can grasp what the other has faced in life fully or at the present.  We just need to be available and discern to the best of our ability, to care.

As my heart aches tonight and my mind spins with thoughts, I know deep within that there is only One that knows my heart, my thoughts, my hurts.  I have to trust that The Lord will see me through and He has, He does and He will.

Leaning in on Him through the loneliness and chaos within, gives me peace once I get to this point.  Maybe that is what He wants anyway.  Nobody else knows me or you but He does.

Trust Him