Just Pondering…

I wish I had wings like a dove.

Ever feel that way?  Sure you have.

Thinking back, I remember when my father was alive and had a feeding tube.  I had to go to his home four times a day, starting at 5:30 a.m. At that time, I had two active boys under the age of six, at times worked at the church, and watched other children in my home, not to mention the other things that came caring for a home/family.  I was exhausted.

Walking up to my Dad’s home, about two blocks away, I often looked up at the dark, clear sky seeing all the stars and would say, if I could just fly away.  Thankfully, buying the house several years before, was a definite God thing because I could not have done this otherwise; to care for him daily, his home and my own.  As tiring as it was, I have no regrets taking care of him, just wish I had more time.

On top of all of this, dealing with grief from my mother’s recent death, my marriage was dying.  I knew it deep within but had to function as best as I could in the roles before me.

Each day turned into the next and you just make the most of it, I know I did or I at least tried.  It wasn’t long until my father died and then the estate and sure enough family issues.  There is always somebody that causes discord within the family and this in-law did just that to cause division.  Does it ever end?

Even today, thinking back of everything that I endured, I really do not know how I did it.  But God…..  He saw me.  He heard me.  He collected my tears.  He had heard all the nasty lies about me.  If it had not been for Him, I would not be here today.  It took its toll on me and family issues with estates are pure hell.

Today, as I do my job and watch the clock ready to leave the office, I am tired and ready for a vacation, which is only six weeks away.  I am so ready.  I found myself saying, if only I was a bird, I’d fly away, which brought back years of memories.

Sometimes life can get overwhelming in so many areas to where you’ve had enough.  It’s at those times, you pray that the Lord uphold you with His right hand.  Cover you with His wings and shelter you and give you peace.

Trust Him