Just Pondering…

All of my life I have heard that things, whether it be appliances breaking down and deaths or other things, too, comes in threes.  I felt yesterday that this is all about to hit. While I brace myself, I also fight fear of the unknown.  The third one?

My Aunt is near death and hanging on for dear life, it is just not her time yet.  Our sweet fifteen year old dog has been going down hill but this past month, more so and now another cancer spot on her tongue.  Everything is going to hit at once.  The grief ahead right now slaps one cheek and the other as I wait for a big fisted hit in the nose. BAM!

Knowing another day has passed and my dear Aunt remains in a hospital bed in an induced sleep to keep her pain at bay, with nothing more to do for her, we wait.

Yesterday with confirmation from our veterinarian, finding out our four-legged baby is dealing with this issue once again.  I do not feel that another surgery should take place but my husband probably would. Her legs are failing her, she is in pain but …

While I think I have him convinced, I feel like a heartless person knowing he will have anger toward me, which is typical of grief.  I do not want this sweet dog to suffer anymore although my heart will break and tears will flow, too. I pray that she falls into a deep sleep as my Aunt will do and be pain free before we go for the dreaded appointment on Saturday.

In knowing of these two, who is the third?  That is when fear sets in with me.  No matter, I cannot dwell on the third and hope it all passes and we get through this period.

I find it strange that I have heard that saying all my life, seeing it happen and how there is a heaviness that hovers.  I am sure you have heard of this, too.  It causes anxiety in me and I do not like it.  I have dealt with enough fear in life that today I want to dismiss this thought of the doom and gloom.  So BAM!  If all these years, it was all bad, let’s turn that around and usher the good in instead.

Whatever today holds, tomorrow or the next, my faith and trust must be in the Lord and whatever comes before me, I face it with Him and because of Him, I can make it.

I may never see my Aunt again here on this earth again but in Heaven, I will.

While I give my sweet dog her space today as I clean as she rests, I tell her how pretty she is, I love her and all that dog talk we do as owners. They know us.  They are pretty smart.  I believe she is ready to go.

To grieve means we loved. ❤️