The other morning from the get-go, while getting ready for work, memories of a past situation, many years ago, that if I could turn back time, I would surely change. There is no going back though. Those negative thoughts that had been missing for so many years, in this memory highjack, hit me like a ton of bricks; making me feel that worthless, a no good for nothing person I am to believe I am. Ever have those moments? Where did that come from and why? WOW!
It soon stopped but just that period was enough to take me down a rabbit hole of no return, it felt. We all have bad memories and have made stupid mistakes, etc. Right? Please tell me I am not the only one. In this battle, which felt like war and of all times putting on my makeup, perhaps war paint now that I think back. It was a war within me. As I was getting a grasp and being aware of what was happening, I could see and hear my former counselor tell me time and time again to change those negative thoughts around. It was the past and there is nothing I can do about it now. Move on! Yes, what transpired was stupid, but I learned from it, and to NEVER do it again or allow it to happen. The situation I was in at that time, I can see why this or that happened, but I was smart enough to turn circumstances around.
As I was taking a quick break in my day at work to write, only because yet another thought of a past incident, unrelated to the other, that I also regretted, came about. Again, there is no going back. As I sat at my desk, and yet the battle in my thoughts of way back when, it was becoming quite annoying. It was then, wondering what was going on in my life now, the present. I was being fought for some reason with these moments within hours of one another. Past experience, I knew when this happens, something good is about to happen. Just hold on! Hold on! I know to fight and push through the bad memories and of the emotions I felt. I am not the same person, as I have grown in the fight and strength within. I think counseling has paid off. Of course, the Lord promised He would never leave me nor forsake me. He loved me when I was young and stupid and He loves me now that I am old and wiser.
Those past situations in just hours of one another, that brought up horrible messages in my mind was meant to keep me down and get all depressed. Also, to cause me to doubt myself of the changes that are coming about within and around me but also to cause me to be hindered of being used by God. When this happens, it is meant to stop any worship or joy. The worthlessness seems to override the worthiness. We all have a testimony and perhaps that is part of the battle, I am making some long, awaited changes. Perhaps I am not to write, not to speak or even share. Thoughts come, just like my writing here of this, who wants to read my stuff. There are many blogs and other writings that remain hidden. Turning those negative statements around instead of acknowledging that there is no interest. Okay! It is just for me and my writing enjoyment. There!
Hopefully, as I share, another and perhaps you, will know that you are are not alone. Thank God. I always found it encouraging to hear of someone that just might understand me because they, too, have experienced or are going through or went through a similar situation. I did not feel so alone when those memories happened.
Well, I am writing, I will speak to encourage others to let them know and encourage, and I WILL share of what the Lord has done in my life. We all go through the valley, but we don’t stay there, although it might feel like it at times.
I know there is a plan and a purpose for me, still. I want it and I want to keep moving forward and will keep fighting the terrible thoughts. I cannot do a thing about them now or ever. It was the past. Perhaps, too, reminding me and each of us of those moments, as it can make one look at where you have been and where you are now. Hopefully in a better place and have faith for the future of joy and peace to follow. We all make mistakes and we always will, past, present, future and we will regret moments but we are to keep moving forward. If there is something you can apologize if whatever affected another, do so. Many times, it is forgiving ourselves that is hard to do.
Isaiah 43:18-19 says, Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland (NIV).
The battle within our minds is one of the most important factors that must be kept in check with God’s Word. While Satan cannot read our minds, he can influence our thoughts. Thus, begins the race to lose or win against the battle of the mind! In Proverbs 4:23-27 we read about “Keep your heart”.