Bondage of Shame

F042F83C-8810-4E8F-A593-A7CC565FD963Why is it that so many ads and prescriptions are geared toward sex?  I listen to a radio station that discusses an erectile dysfunction (ED) medicine and comments to make your woman happy, which makes me cringe.  Hearing this in an office setting, although I love their music, it is not appropriate.  Not to forget the commercials on the television that are quite regular, too.

While sex is natural and has been around forever, there’s a time and a place to have and to talk about it.  A subject matter that should be private between couples.  Still, with all openness surrounding sex, Internet, tv programs, books, etc., the fact that shame and even guilt is still attached to it for many.  Also, shame has been with us forever, since the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve (Genesis 2).

What’s worse is the fact that guilt and the shame started in your younger years with masturbation probably.  Nobody discusses this natural process with the body or mentions the “M” word and to say it aloud, it is almost like saying a bad word, even worse than the “F” word, which I detest.  Masturbation, it’s a secret, of hoping and praying nobody knows what you do, when you do it, or going so far even wondering maybe they do know, etc., which is where the guilt and shame grows.

Even with that, it’s expected and normal with guys, it seems and understandably so.  As I ponder this for a girl/woman and God forbid, a married woman (a Christian married woman), it is not.  As a child, questions may emerge and remain through the years of why do I enjoy this, what’s wrong with me, do other people do this, am I doing it the right way, and all the questions within and surmising of others persist, unknowing.

Being a baby boomer, this was not discussed, only jokes about sex was heard growing up.  Of course, not knowing about anything sex related basically but always waiting for others to mention facts in order to learn, whether right or wrong.  And in all my years, never of masturbation itself although a vibrator was joked about on occasion.  With that, I was smart enough to put two and two together.  Even posts about shame or articles from the therapy point of view, still to this day, the percentage is very low, usually it is about sexual adultery.  Hush!  Don’t mention masturbation, as it will go away but it doesn’t.  Shame exists and among those around us.

Always knowing, too, that Satan has a game plan to keep those that deal with this area to remain down upon themselves, depressed, isolated, private and to cause so much unworthiness within. Christian or non-Christian, he doesn’t care.

No doubt, there are many who struggle with the shame.  Having sex and feeling pleasure from masturbating, at the right time and place, is normal.  While sex/masturbation can become addictive, also fantasizing of another man/woman other than your spouse/partner, viewing porn, etc., those are of a whole other matter involved and counseling might be needed.

With that, please note, there is nothing wrong with counseling whether it be sexual, etc.  This is another area that shame attaches itself to in order to keep you in the same pattern with no healing or growth in your life.

A good counselor will not heap more shame on you but will help you process and figure out why, which will probably stem from your childhood.  Childhood issues suck!  Sadly, you may not even realize just how much so until discussed.  Don’t give up, as it may take months or even years of counseling to get to the root of this bondage of shame.

In childhood, many facets of this shame are due to abandonment, rejection, loneliness, feeling unloved, etc., and the act of masturbation soothed the hurts within.  Not only the reasons mentioned but provide pleasure, release of stress and aid in sleep.  It is not selfish but normal.

How sad it is that this area is so secretive, leaving a child and even as adults struggling and lost within trying to understand him/herself.  If no adult/parent was available or cared enough or know how to explain that this is/was a normal puberty role that happens, and to be performed in the privacy of ones own bedroom, the root of guilt and shame develop. While this all should be without guilt and shame, the child/adult is lost in the ‘I am bad’ mentality of shame.  He/she is not bad though.

Without a doubt, the adult(s)/parent(s) carry the same shame and unsure what to do, how to express or share with their own child(ren), leaving a vicious cycle between generations.

The good news is that because of Jesus, we can be set free from the bondage of shame.  Trust Him!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s